“Why I don’t want to read a fairy tale about Cinderella to my daughter”

Tatyana, 37 years old

I have a little daughter whom I, like many parents, read to before bed. The fairy tale “Cinderella” is her favorite. The story, of course, is well known to me since childhood, but only many years later, carefully reading the details, I began to relate to it in a completely different way.

We are accustomed to the fact that the heroine is a poor worker, soiled in ashes, and her intentions are exceptionally lofty and disinterested. And now justice triumphs: yesterday’s maid, who did not make any effort to defend her interests in the house of an evil stepmother, at the wave of a fairy’s wand, becomes a princess and moves to the palace.

Not surprisingly, for many generations of girls (and I am no exception), Cinderella has become the personification of a dream. You can endure inconvenience, and the Prince himself will find you, save you and give you a magical life.

All her actions are sheer manipulation, and, in modern terms, she can be called a typical pick-up artist. Perhaps she did not write down her plan of action on a piece of paper, and it developed unconsciously, but its results cannot be called accidental.

You can at least envy the confidence of this girl – she is going to the ball, although she has never been there. So, he perfectly realizes that he has the right to do so. Further, she easily, without any internal doubts, pretends not to be who she really is.

The prince sees a guest equal to him in status: her carriage is strewn with diamonds, harnessed by the most thoroughbred horses, she herself is in a luxurious dress and expensive jewelry. And the first thing Cinderella does is win the heart of his father, the King. She saw that his collar was torn, and immediately she found a thread and a needle to help. The King is delighted with this sincere concern and introduces the stranger to the Prince.

She is not modest, dances with everyone, easily creates tension among men, forcing them to compete. Being alone with the Prince, he inspires him that he is the best. She listens to him attentively and constantly thanks for everything, while remaining cheerful, light and carefree. And that’s exactly what men love.

The prince, a spoiled young man, unexpectedly meets a girl who is equal to him in position, but not eccentric and capricious, like most rich heirs, but with a surprisingly soft, complaisant character. At the end of the story, when Cinderella is exposed and it turns out that she is an impostor, the Prince’s love allows her to turn a blind eye to this.

So the undoubted success of Cinderella cannot be called accidental. And she is not a role model of sincerity and disinterestedness either.

Lev Khegay, Jungian analyst:

The tale of Cinderella was created in times of rigid patriarchy and promoted the ideal of a submissive, downtrodden and manipulable woman, destined for procreation, housekeeping or low-skilled labor.

The promise of a wedding with a Prince Charming (as a reward for a downtrodden position in society) is like a religious promise of a place in paradise for the most humiliated and oppressed. In the 21st century, the situation in developed countries has changed radically. We are witnessing the first generation where women have a higher level of education and sometimes receive higher salaries than men.

Given the numerous examples from the life of socially successful women, as well as the obsessive Hollywood movie image of a strong heroine, the version of Cinderella the manipulator no longer looks incredible. Only a reasonable remark arises that if she were so well versed in manipulation, she would not fall into the position of an inferior servant, engaged in the dirtiest work.

Severe early trauma can force such a Cinderella to withdraw into a fantasy world. And then the help of the fairy and the conquest of the Prince Charming can be considered elements of her delirium. But if the psyche has enough resources, then a person will not break down, but, on the contrary, will receive a powerful impetus for development.

There are many examples of the great achievements of those people whose early life was difficult and dramatic. All edifying stories, which include fairy tales, describe typical development scenarios, in which the weak become strong, and the naive become wise.

The simpleton hero, who is unusually lucky, symbolizes trust in life and people, loyalty to his ideals. And, of course, rely on intuition. In this sense, Cinderella also personifies that little-studied element of our psyche, where the key to the realization of your dreams is hidden.

Daria Petrovskaya, Gestalt therapist:

The tale of Cinderella has not yet been interpreted. One of the interpretations is “patience and work will grind everything.” The same idea turns into the myth of the “good girl”: if you wait a long time, endure and behave well, then there will certainly be a well-deserved happy reward.

In this expectation of happiness in the person of the Prince (although nothing is known about him, except for his status), there is a subtext of avoiding responsibility for one’s contribution to the future. The conflict of the author of the letter is that she caught Cinderella in active actions. And she condemned them: “This is manipulation.”

We do not know the true author of the tale, we do not know what he really wanted to teach us, and whether he was at all. However, history has found its place in our hearts, because many secretly hope for this miracle. And they forget that miracles are possible if you invest in them. To find the Prince, you need to come to the ball and get to know him. Like not only him, but also his surroundings. Only then there is a chance that a miracle will become possible.

This is indeed a fact from the text of a fairy tale. But the fact is that Cinderella took a chance.

Due to their metaphors, fairy tales turn out to be a field of endless projections for the reader. They are so popular because everyone finds something different in them, depending on their experience and life context.

The words of the author of the letter are aimed specifically at denouncing the “dishonesty” of Cinderella. And she is not really a timid victim, but a girl who understands her place in life and does not agree with it. Wants more and puts effort into it.

Depending on our own internal tasks, we choose different forms of disappointment with fairy tales. And this is also a revealing and important process.