A flash mob was launched on the Internet, where women answer the angry and boorish questions of others.
Now on the Internet they arrange a real persecution of young mothers. Not breastfeeding is a bad mother. Do not sit on maternity leave – you do not love the child. And so in everything. With the advent of social networks, everyone suddenly decided that their opinion was interesting and should certainly be expressed even to a stranger. But if you can delete a comment on the Internet and send a person to a ban, then in real life you will not get off so easily.
It is especially hard for single mothers. It’s not easy for them anyway, and here, instead of support, they’re angry: “Why did you give birth then?”. The mothers got sick, and they decided to arrange a flash mob. It is called that – # why did you want to.
A flash mob was launched by employees of the Teplyi Dom charity foundation, which helps single mothers, the poor, and former orphanages. healthy-food-near-me.com publishes 10 candid stories from the participants of the flash mob.
“year 2000. Planned visit to the doctor in the antenatal clinic. Now I will go there and again on a new one: “Well? Are we going to have an abortion? ” I am silent. And in a circle for the umpteenth time: “Who will need you now with the child? They’ll be kicked out of the university! You won’t find a normal job, you won’t get an education! You will work in a store as a saleswoman all your life. Why are you creating such a life for a child? In poverty! Without a father! And then he himself will not need and will not be interesting when he grows up – a saleswoman, without education and brains. ” I am silent and look at the floor. I can’t do it. Tears are rolling down. I am ashamed of them that I can not restrain myself. Because she hits those places where it is already scary, where it hurts.
2004 year. “Woman, why did you give birth !? Why give birth to such people at all ?! If it were my will, I would introduce a law so that such people would not give birth! ” And I am sitting with my husband in the hospital on the floor, we are both white and gray. Because outside the door, our two-month-old baby is in intensive care. Her blood does not clot, and her whole body is covered with blue spots. Unbearably scary. And around the doctors, nurses, nannies: “Why did you give birth, since you do not know how to handle a child?” Why are they doing this? “
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“I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant. I was very scared: study, part-time work, hostel … I went to my mother for advice. Mom was glad. It turns out that once her life was in question, but my grandmother did not listen to anyone and gave life to my mother. The first thing that the doctor said to me: “You are still young, you will have time. You need to study, and children are a problem. ” I heard the same words from nurses when I was admitted to the hospital with the threat of miscarriage. My baby was born so small and defenseless. And I was his world, and he was mine. And then my husband died, I was left alone, as it seemed to me then. But the smile of his son made him live. I realized that I will never be alone again.
With my second husband, we dreamed of a joint baby. My daughter got it very difficult: 8 months in the hospital, just to lie, otherwise there is a threat of miscarriage, then resuscitation, a lot of effort and money. And around they said: “Have an abortion and do not suffer, it is not yet known how he will be born.” Now we have a beautiful daughter, healthy and very smart.
The third pregnancy came as a surprise – after the second difficult birth, there was a diagnosis of infertility. At home (in the Donbass), the war began. The city was surrounded, everything was burning, exploding, something was falling from the sky. Cellars, days without food. Sick of everything around. The term was short, and I was offered an abortion. My refusal irritated everyone, even those close to me. Ahead of the unknown, no home, no food. Even when I was told about possible deviations in development, my husband and I did not give up. We were ready to accept any diagnosis. In spite of everything and everything, a healthy daughter was born to us ”.
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“1990. A queue lined up to a barrel of milk. Mom went to get milk, and my 6-year-old sister rocks a huge stroller, in which two kids take turns pulling out their arms and legs. She shoves them back diligently. And the women in the queue poke at us: “Why produce poverty”, “Why gave birth.” I am 8 years old, and actually I am very glad that we have two sisters instead of one brother. Yes, it was not easy for mom, but we were proud and now we are proud that we have four girls in our family. And in general, I didn’t care what these aunts in line think, but I’m embarrassed. Some kind of stupid shame for no reason. Although I understand that it should not be me, but they should be ashamed. “
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“I went to the hospital for examination. And since it was summer and there was no one to leave the children with, I took them with me. And here we are, so calm four of us, by the hands, and one woman, apparently, could not get around us. But instead of asking for directions, she barked: “They are giving birth here, neither pass nor pass.” I don’t care, but my son Maxim was already big and understood everything. This was the most disgusting thing. “
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“It was 87th year. The stores paradoxically combined empty counters and giant queues. To feed a family with two children, dad stole cabbage from collective farm fields. In the fall, my mother found out that she was expecting a third child. The grandmother scolded terribly: “What are you going to feed them with? Why breed poverty? ” But mom didn’t have an abortion. She went down to the courtyard and jumped for a long time. Not too decisive action, but still action. In general, I was born. And I love jumping: from place to place, from topic to topic.
My name is Nastya. In a few months I will be 30. I sit and think that I might not exist. But this thought does not fit well in my head. Was my childhood miserable? No. We shared one banana for three. Instead of sweets, they ate a roll with jam. I lived in a communal apartment and put on clothes for other children. But my childhood was quite happy. And my mother has told me more than once: “It’s so good that you are.”
Today I work in a fund that helps families with children in crisis: large families, single mothers, families with people with disabilities. And almost every day in clinics, in social networks, on buses, mothers whom we support, they ask: “Why gave birth?” Sometimes right in front of children … “
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“I grew up in a large family. We, children, six people, I am the fifth. Maybe my parents were asked this awful question: “why gave birth?”, But our parents protected us from such attacks. Times were not easy, but my childhood was happy. Please, let’s be kinder! And instead of a question that can only humiliate: “why gave birth?” – we ask: “how to help?”.
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“In the maternity hospital of one northern regional center, there were eight of us in a ward with nine children. From the window the drunken calls of young fathers were heard now to Olya, now to Lena. And I only listened to Annie Lennox on an old player – no one called me. But I knew I could. And after moving to St. Petersburg with a one-year-old child, it turned out that you can manage to get there by tram and metro, then again by tram, from rented housing on the outskirts of the city to kindergarten, then go to work, and in the evening in the opposite order. At the same time, take the candidate minimums, give private lessons, the main thing is that you have enough health to live at such a pace. Gradually everything worked out and the question “why gave birth?” disappeared in the eyes of others, the main thing is that he does not sound in his own head. “
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“Hey, kuku, are there any offended“ mothers ”here? She flies to me on a regular basis. A child in a stroller sleeps outside the restaurant window – “why did she give birth?” I carry the child around crowded places, I put it at 9, not 8 in the evening. I don’t dress warmly enough, I feed canned food. My baby at 9 months old does not walk, does not speak and does not know where the nose is. A week with a black eye from a stool that had flown in. They’ll burn me at the stake if they catch up. And the award “mom of the year” definitely does not threaten me ”.
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“My life turned upside down as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I was afraid that I was alone, without a man, that my family would turn its back on me. But relatives supported. Pregnancy has become the most difficult period in my life. Constant judgment, emotional and financial instability. Working in a private organization, she was left without maternity leave and generally without a penny in her pocket. All adversity ended as soon as I gave birth. I remember how I cried with happiness when I saw her, so small, defenseless, so mine.
Now I work three jobs and have no regrets. And every time I was asked the question “why gave birth? After all, you are alone, ”I thought that I would not stop fighting. But I still wanted to feel more warmth and support. We must help each other, not take advantage of the vulnerability of others. ”
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“I often think that the mothers with whom I work (former inmates of orphanages) are asked this question, and sometimes they say even more horrifying things, just because they themselves were not told enough in childhood“ it’s good that you are ” , because of the lack of confidence in their life, because of dislike, from the pain that they did not give birth anymore, or they are generally afraid. This question is like a trip to the lame, it turns out to be the last straw. I would say that this is not a question at all, but a specific attack: there are those who deserve to give birth, and those who “gave birth for what”.
They, these wonderful mothers of mine with a very difficult inner baggage – they are trying. They work on themselves with all their might, so that their children get another mother – a loving and supportive one ”.