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You have known each other for many years. Your friendship withstood any test, until one day your friend asks for a loan of a significant amount of money … A month or two passes. It looks like the debt has been forgotten. And reminders cause a fit of rage, or a loved one simply stops answering calls. Why is borrowing money dangerous for a relationship?
Alexandra and Anna have been friends since school. Sasha has a successful business, and Anya works in an office and holds a very modest position. When a friend needed money for repairs, Alexandra gladly helped her out by lending her the rather large amount she needed. The repair was made six months ago, but Anna does not pay any attention to timid hints that it is time to return the money or part of it.
After another two years, things are not going well for Alexandra herself, and she demands to repay the debt in a tougher form. There is no limit to the indignation of a friend: such grievances emerge that Sasha did not even know about. She learns a lot about herself: and about how she once took the boy away from Anya at school, about how everything “has been easy” for her all her life. Yes, and what kind of repairs Anya could do for this miserable amount!
Frustrated Sasha writes toxic posts on social networks. Money cannot be returned, long-term friendship comes to an end … This happens to many of us, and we ask ourselves: why do friends not justify our trust?
Here are five reasons that explain this behavior.
1. A friend took your money as a gift.
Perhaps he was not initially going to return the loan to you, deciding that it was a gift. Etiquette specialist Emily Post advises against borrowing things or amounts of money that you really care about. In other words, when you give something to acquaintances or friends for a while, be prepared to part with it forever. First of all, it concerns books.
2. He forgot about the debt
Perhaps he even denies the very possibility that he could borrow something from you. What is it: forgetfulness or pretense? So advice for the future: take a receipt indicating the amount and the date of its return. An email will suffice to refresh your memory.
3. You have different value systems
Perhaps you are frugal, scrupulously keep house books and carefully plan all expenses, and your girlfriend lives one day and does not know what will happen at the end of the month. It has a different attitude to money: today it is, tomorrow it is not – such is life. And she has no motivation to return them if she is broke again.
4. A friend believes that you will not demand a debt.
Perhaps you are perceived as a well-mannered person who will not raise a fuss over some “insignificant” amount. Wanting to return the money lent to friends, you risk the reputation of a generous and wealthy person. Especially if you paid for a friend in a restaurant or helped him with shopping by paying extra for the item you liked.
5. A friend thinks they are more important to you than money.
… And enjoys it. This is an occasion to reconsider your relationship with people in general. Perhaps by borrowing large sums, you are trying to earn the favor of others. Money in exchange for friendship? It’s not the safest investment.
Let’s talk about it
Is there any way to appeal to conscience and return the debt without scandal? Unfortunately, there is no tactic that gives a 100% guarantee, but, for example, a one-on-one conversation in a cafe can help. The main thing is that you are alone and no one interferes with you. Avoid harsh language, do not act like a bailiff. Your monologue might look like this: “I was happy to lend you this amount a couple of months ago, but I was hoping that you would return the money before I had to pay the rent. Now I really need them. When will it be convenient for you to pay me back?”
If the friend is silent or vague, hint that you are not ready to wait indefinitely: “I hope that we will sort things out within the next month. Perhaps you can give me part of the amount today?
Financial relations can actually be a marker of your life position, the ability to defend your own interests.