I am glad to welcome you, dear readers of the blog! Today we will try to clarify whether envy is a bad feeling, or is it still a good one? After all, who among us has not experienced this feeling when there is a lot of irritation, resentment, anger and dissatisfaction? So much so that everything inside boils and turns over? I’m sure everyone does, and I want to share ways that will help you cope with this condition and breathe a sigh of relief.
Types
Let’s start by defining this feeling.
Envy is comparing yourself, your life and other things with another person, and not in your favor. Desire to possess what he possesses, whether material or not.
It can be either white or black. The only difference between them is that the black one destroys both the personality itself and the relationship with those whom he considers to be in a more advantageous position, while the white one is useful and promoting. It helps to bring two competitors closer, to become more mature and conscious, and manifests itself, is expressed in the recognition of the very other, without diminishing personal dignity. This is such a way of treatment on an equal footing, when a person understands that a competitor is better in some way and he has something to strive for, he understands his zone of proximal development.
For example, athletes. After a loss, you can be offended by the whole world, hate the enemy and even leave the sport, or vice versa, admit that he is really stronger, no matter if he was born like that or worked out so hard, want to defeat him next time and get more actively involved in training, setting himself goal.
Evidence
Our desires, in principle, are formed on the basis of what we see how other people live, otherwise how would we know what exactly we want? But sometimes you have to delve into yourself to understand that corrosive hatred for another person is actually nothing more than a desire to possess what he has. But sometimes it’s much easier to consider him somehow bad than to admit that he is better in some way? Is not it?
Signs by which you can track this feeling in yourself or your interlocutor:
- A strained, overly wide smile, like a mask, moreover, the eyes do not sparkle and do not “burn”. We looked at the signs of insincerity in this article.
- The person is grinning, that is, only one half of the lips is movable. If you notice that you have tension, then you should take a closer look at yourself.
- When you share joy, and the interlocutor is not able to support and share it with you. And after communication, your mood either disappears, or you feel devastation, bewilderment. But here you have to be careful, sometimes people don’t know how to be next to a happy person, no matter how strange it sounds. It is much clearer how to be in trouble, then you can console, advise something.
- Excessive criticism and devaluation can also be a sign that they are competing with you, and thus they are trying to “dunk”, pointing out shortcomings each time.
- And sometimes, when they praise, but you do not feel joy. It becomes incomprehensible, they say something good, but you do not believe in a sincere impulse, considering yourself ungrateful and suspicious.
Causes
As they say, all our problems come from childhood. And there is some truth in this, because it was the family system that influenced the formation of our character. The people who surrounded us when we were little made a huge contribution to our ways of responding to different situations and establishing relationships. Therefore, a person sometimes overly rushes to compete and is constantly stressed when others have something better.
Example
- As a child, there were inflated demands on him, there was only criticism, and there was always a feeling that he was born somehow not like that, “not up to”. And no matter how hard he tried, getting recognition was unrealistic. Do you know people who believe that it’s not worth talking about good things, and everyone understands that, but you need to point out mistakes all the time in order to increase motivation to improve? After such a style of treating a child, just the advice of a psychologist will not help, deep therapy will be needed here, because, growing up, he will treat others the same way.
- The love of loved ones had to be earned. That is, they paid attention to him when he got a good grade, cleaned his apartment, won first place in competitions, and so on. And then he realized that he was not accepted as he was, and he had to try to be the coolest of all.
- Parents themselves could not cope with the cultivation of several children, unable to distribute attention and care. Then the older child begins to fight for the attention of mom and dad, and sometimes such competition becomes a destructive way of life in the future.
And also envy, black, manifests itself with low self-esteem, a feeling of discontent and anger, that there should be justice in the world, but there is none, and in the absence of spiritual initiation, that is, when a girl realizes that she is already a woman, and a boy turns into a man . Sometimes even fifty-year-old men do not know what it is and how to be a man, they do not know how to rely on their own resources and then they hate others who are successful and accomplished.
There are also reasons such as the lack of inner freedom. When a person does not allow himself to do something, and then he envies those who do not limit themselves so much, and has low self-esteem, getting used to sacrificing himself due to unworthiness to want something good.
Recommendations
- To begin with, engage in self-knowledge, self-development. If you track your desires and realize them, then you will experience less anger at the success of others. To do this, you can try the methods from this article.
- The psychology of a person is such that if he does not allow himself to express negative feelings, they will begin to destroy his body. But how can we talk about anger when the interlocutor shares how well he does something? And it’s easy, as I said at the beginning of the article, to convert malice into recognition by thinking about what you are better at. It looks something like this: “Yes, you know how to drive a car very well and cope even in very critical situations, but I can repair and put it in order on my own.” The second part of the sentence doesn’t have to be said out loud, just the level of negativity will decrease as soon as you realize that your partner is not perfect, and there are things that are better for you.
- The following exercise will help overcome overwhelming envy: write a list of 10 points in which exactly you are better than your competitor. Do not be shy, indicate tangible and intangible indicators, what you are better at, what you are more fortunate in, and so on.
- Often the ideality of other people’s lives is only tinsel. A person will not always share experiences and difficulties even with friends, if only because he will have to admit to some kind of failure, first of all, to himself, and it is often embarrassing to expose the “clumsy” part. Understanding this process will help alleviate the condition and return to reality.
- How to get rid of the envy of others? Unfortunately, either by plucking up the courage to clear things up by asking direct questions, or by limiting the amount of information you’re going to share. Sometimes you even have to stop communicating, because there is no way to relax in contact, controlling your words and hiding the truth, so as not to notice the malicious look or joy again, in case of any trouble. The choice is not easy, but worth it, why do you need people around you who wish you harm?
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! And remember, each of us is unique, so appreciate yourself and take care, and if you notice that you can’t cope with emotions, give them an outlet by doing active sports, and then meditation to calm down. And do not forget to subscribe to the blog to be aware of new interesting information on how to improve the quality of your life. Bye Bye.