We tend to think of empathy as an obvious virtue, but it also has a dark side. An over-expressed ability to sympathize and empathize becomes dangerous. How not to harm yourself and others, find balance and develop emotionally intelligent empathy?
I believe in the power of empathy — the ability to put yourself in the place of another, to see and feel someone else’s inner world. It is an integral part of emotional intelligence that makes us responsive.
Thanks to this ability, people understand each other better, but too much empathy becomes dangerous. Sometimes it reaches an extreme degree, to the point that a person can harm himself and others. In the specialized literature, this condition is usually referred to as hyperempathy and is associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
As one article describes it: «Some people with BPD are extremely sensitive to other people’s involuntary mental reactions and states, but they are unable to relate this information to stable ideas about themselves and others that are characteristic of healthy interpersonal relationships.»
In other words, they show abnormal empathy, because of this, pathological tendencies and unhealthy relationships develop.
People who serve helpless people often forget about their own needs.
However, you don’t have to have a personality disorder to become a victim of empathy. Many suffer from the so-called «empathy trap» — when close emotional contact leads to physical and psychological fatigue.
According to the study, nurses who work with the terminally ill are particularly at risk of losing compassion. It is defined as «the totality of physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion associated with caring for morally downtrodden, physically exhausted patients.» People serving helpless people often forget about their own needs, and this is a direct path to burnout.
However, the empathy trap is much closer. The Pew Research Center found that social networks increase stress levels, users pay a lot of attention to the problems of online friends, constantly read about other people’s tragedies. With the development of digital technologies, we receive such information much faster, it has become too accessible.
In other words, those who do not comply with the measures and get stuck for a long time in the zone of influence of other people’s troubles will experience severe stress, emotional depression and a number of health problems.
Emotionally intelligent empathy
A few practical tips will help develop it.
1. At work
When a person is fully laid out at work, not far from burnout. This can be avoided by taking short rest breaks more often. Alternatively, talk to your employer or co-workers about redistributing tasks and responsibilities so that everyone has an even workload.
2. Houses
Let’s say your spouse comes home out of sorts, but you also have a bad day. There is simply no strength for support and sympathy, in this case it’s good to say, for example: “Bad day? I understand, I, too, are all somersaults. Let’s get some rest, order something tasty. Maybe we can take a walk later and talk about everything.”
Such a reaction reflects your state and takes into account the state of the partner. It will take a couple of seconds to put it into words, the next few hours and days depend on them.
3. At your leisure
Try to keep track of how much time you spend on social media. Also, give yourself an answer, how do you feel after that? Doesn’t it feel like there’s an emotional void every time? If so, it’s time to set a limit on the use of devices. Set a timer and schedule something important to motivate you to close the page. Empathy helps build strong relationships with people only if you do not waste yourself.
Everyone who has flown on an airplane knows the rule: first they put on an oxygen mask on themselves, then on a neighbor. Otherwise, you will be of little use. If you understand your emotions and needs and use your resources wisely, then you will be able to bring more value to others.
Source: inc.com