For many women, tactless questions about children: “Why not?”, “When are you planning?”, “Won’t you or can’t?” — not only an invasion of personal territory, but also a blow to the patient himself.
This question, alas, seems quite appropriate to many — even in relation to an unfamiliar person. There was a moment when I reacted sharply to him, considered incorrect and tactless. Of course, there is a centuries-old stereotype that if I was born into this world, then my only biological task is to procreate. It must have been like that in the past. But now it looks like an atavism.
Many women occupy major political and industrial posts, are fond of creativity. Their role in society is not limited to pregnancy, childbirth and raising children. Of course, this opportunity, laid down by nature, is unique … True, experiments are already being carried out on bearing offspring by males, and who knows how our roles with men will be distributed in some ten to twenty years?
Some of my unborn peers develop a stable neurosis: when you realize that the years are running out. When classmates, classmates, girlfriends around the yard have got not only children, but also grandchildren, and your “problem” has not yet been resolved. And you involuntarily succumb to total dictatorship: you have to, you have to, you have to.
I confess, and I made several attempts to become a mother. I’m in my thirties and unmarried. Mom no longer asks — she just looks, and in her eyes the same question: “Why don’t you have children?” And I wanted to do everything for my mother, even the impossible, as she tried for me all my life. And I decided on IVF.
Children are a separate space full of improvisations. It may not be possible for everyone to master it.
I was initially set up like this: what will be, will not be avoided. If the Universe, God, planet Earth needs my genetic continuation, I will succeed. I entrusted the decision to Him — to His will and wisdom. With the minimum of “biological material” that I had by that time due to various circumstances, my chance to become a mother was not realized. And I accepted it: it means that I am prepared for something else.
I was a happy child. I felt a very careful, thoughtful, delicate attitude from my mother and grandmother. I wanted to be the same with my children. And I was afraid that I couldn’t. Every child is a soul embodied in a small body. And we do not choose children, but they choose us as their parents. Was I ready then for such a responsibility? Don’t know.
The older I get, the more interesting I am with children. I have a badminton court, skipping ropes, cars, soccer balls in my house for families of friends. I play with children — and absolutely reincarnate, I become the same age as them. And they take me for theirs. With them, I turn into that girl who attached a sheet of Whatman paper with buttons to the door, imagining it as an easel, and painted everything that came to mind. Children are a separate space full of improvisations.
It may not be possible for everyone to master it. And if I were asked now: “Why don’t you have children?”, I would say this: a woman was created in order to bring beauty and harmony into the world. And how she will be able to realize this — let the choice be hers. And behind those forces that, fortunately, are beyond our control.