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Fill out a form, a tax return, put a stamp on registration … These everyday things lead some almost to despair. Why?
References, forms… There are many who feel bored with the paper routine. One of them is 38-year-old Lydia, a beautician. “Even such a joyful event as the birth of children was overshadowed for me by the need to register it in the registry office,” she says. Every time I need to fill in something, I get lost. And only if I’m in trouble, like a power outage, do I find the strength to do whatever needs to be done. Why such a dislike for formalities, which, in theory, should simplify life, and not complicate it?
What do we feel?
«I’m afraid of failure»
“In dealing with paperwork, stress is a consequence of the fact that we perceive in them a threat to our “I”, notes coach Gael du Penoa. — When we meet with something complex and confusing, our competence is called into question. We feel lost.» We feel weak, we give up. “These are very archaic experiences,” adds the coach. “In the face of danger, we have a choice: fight, flight or freeze. If we refuse to fight, we procrastinate as a result.”
Alas, the relief we experience is temporary. “Avoidance exacerbates the problem,” adds psychotherapist Christophe Massin.
«I can’t stand restrictions»
Sometimes anxiety has a different source. “For some, the need to act in accordance with the established order, with obligations, causes difficulties,” the psychotherapist continues. “It looks like negligence, but behind it lies a rebellion against authorities: they refuse to obey.” To submit for them means to lose face or even cease to exist altogether. This is the killing of freedom!
“Fissle with papers takes away time from pleasures and subject us to restrictions,” says psychoanalyst Christian Jeancloud. — It interferes, deprives of mobility, kills joy! And we are forced to abandon the pleasure principle and obey the reality principle — which pleases us much less.
«I feel humiliated»
Fear of papers may be due to the fact that “we perceive this need as a punishment, restriction and, ultimately, humiliation,” the psychoanalyst believes. “And in the background behind him is a crowd of nameless censors.” And now we feel as if we found ourselves in the very center of the Kafkaesque Castle. Or back at school.
«It’s a reminder of how each September we had to fill out questionnaires that included some pretty personal questions — like the profession of the parents — that we had to talk about.» Not a very pleasant memory…
What to do?
Start
Don’t delay. Unfinished business, according to the Zeigarnik effect, clutters up our memory. In order not to overload yourself, get down to business. In this case, to start means almost to win.
Define your needs
In the face of an unpleasant situation, try another way out instead of “running” and “freezing”: act. Also, be aware—determine what you need to deal with it. Time? Any help? Knowledge?
Analyze the past
Depression suggests that there is something toxic in your past. You may have been scolded for failing on a written assignment. Consult a psychologist: with his help, you will understand the causes of difficulties and you can find other ways to respond to challenges.