Why do you need … money? It would be rather strange to want money as such — behind the dreams of a certain amount there is always something more: the need for stability, freedom, happiness. Only by clarifying our expectations can we “fix” our relationship with money.
When a client comes to «work through» the topic of money, it all starts with the question of the motivation to possess it. Everyone responds to it in different ways, but everyone has a tendency to look for something more in money. People expect them to bring peace, relieve boredom, add joy.
The substitution of concepts is dangerous: a person begins to “hunt” for something else, losing sight of what is really important for him, his true need. The money continues to slip away, or, in the end, having taken possession of it, the person is disappointed: there is the necessary amount in the account, but it did not bring him what he was really looking for.
Misconceptions about money inevitably lead to disappointment. In order to rid ourselves of it, it is important to separate the material from the non-material, and for this, to realize what we are really looking for.
1.Stability
Looking for stability in money, we lose sight of the fact that instability is one of the key features of our world. We create an illusion of stability for ourselves: we try to find a job in a “solid” company, we check whether the bank is reliable before opening a deposit. But it is impossible to protect yourself from potential troubles: at any moment a crisis can break out, we can be laid off, we can suddenly fall ill.
We are used to being afraid of uncertainty, we do our best to avoid it and sometimes even hope to “pay off” from it. However, stability cannot be bought; history has proven time and again that money is no guarantee of certainty. Things may not go according to plan, and the only thing that matters is whether we are able to get back on our feet and recover from financial shocks and losses.
2.Possibilities
You can often hear: «If I had more money, I would …», «If only I had this amount, I would certainly …». So we become hostages of the situation and refuse to see opportunities right now. It is important to ask yourself: what can I do now, without waiting for better conditions?
By dreaming about something that we cannot afford yet, we actually want to make up for the lack of pleasant emotions. It is important to consider what exactly makes it so desirable. How do you feel when you imagine that you finally bought it? Is it possible to experience such feelings without waiting for the moment of purchase?
3. Happiness
A common truth, which many people forget: you can be happy both with money and without it. Buddhist monks manage with the necessary, but this does not prevent them from maintaining a sense of happiness.
4. Approval of others
Some of us think that money will finally help us earn the respect of our father or the approval of our mother, rub our noses on an ex, prove to others what we are capable of. But this is just a game of our mind, and by being drawn into it, we prolong the pain of rejection.
The motivation to “prove” can be resourceful and not lead to frustration if we prove something to ourselves and not to others.
5. Freedom
You can often hear: «I want money to travel more.» We seek freedom and are afraid of tension, forgetting that we need to make an effort to earn. Every desire has a price, and it is important whether we are willing to pay — with our time, effort, ability to withstand stress, abandoning old habits.
Of course, money allows you to delegate things, freeing up time, but even having got the right amount, you can remain unfree, being held hostage by capital, obligations and circumstances. That is why we should not place too high hopes on them and put off life until we finally earn (save, win the lottery, inherit) the coveted amount.