It is believed that being greedy is bad, but you need to share with others. When someone helps us in a difficult moment, it is really valuable. but it happens that we are asked to share, but we do not want to. Why is this happening? And do you have to force yourself to do it?
How do we feel when we are asked a request that we do not want to answer? Perhaps inconvenience, shame — after all, you need to be generous, but for some reason we don’t feel like that at this moment. We are angry at ourselves, at the one who asks for a favor, or at the society that came up with this rule. In any case, what is happening is not fun. We either step over ourselves and share, or we refuse and are left alone with guilt or remorse.
The situation seems hopeless. But at what point did something go wrong? Why is it easy and pleasant to share in one case, while in another we are ready to do anything to avoid it? When we share, we give to another part of something that belongs to us, something of our own. It can be an object or, for example, the opportunity to stay at our house. Often this brings joy, because we help someone who is dear and nice to us.
By allowing us to use things, we not only open the doors of an apartment for a person, but also let them into our world, into our borders. Personal boundaries exist for a reason, they protect against the rough intrusion of the outside world, give stability and confidence. Our house, personal belongings also symbolize a part of the inner space. For example, we will allow a guest to sleep on our couch, but most likely we will not offer him to use our toothbrush. Not because we are greedy, but because it is part of a more intimate zone of personal space.
Some people have more flexible boundaries, others have more rigid ones. If there is discomfort at the thought of sharing a thing, it is likely that this action threatens the integrity of our boundaries. It’s not always obvious because people value the same things differently. Knowing how easy it is for a friend to lend someone her shoes, we may feel uncomfortable when we are asked for such a favor. This is how a conflict is born inside us: upbringing does not allow us to refuse — after all, from childhood we were taught to help each other, but a sense of our own boundaries insists on the opposite. It seems like you need to do it, but you really don’t want to.
Don’t be quick to blame yourself for not being generous enough. Surely you will remember situations when helping someone was natural and brought joy. The ability to feel and protect our own boundaries makes us more stable, gives us an understanding of what we are ready to do and what will cause discomfort. And when we are safe, it is easier and more pleasant for us to give and help others.