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They cover up the unwillingness or inability to talk about love by saying that actions are more important than words. But is it? What is really hidden behind the male silence? Our experts explain men’s behavior and give advice to women on how to get rid of their partner’s fear of confessing his feelings.
Arthur Miller wrote to Marilyn Monroe that when people break up, only words remain. Words that we did not say or, on the contrary, threw in anger. The ones that ruined the relationship, or the ones that made it special. It turns out that words are very important to us. And the words of love and tenderness — especially. But why do men so rarely say them?
Documentary Studio shot a touching video about how women, not accustomed to the confessions of men, react to words of love.
First, the authors of the video asked the men if they often talk to their women about love. Here are some answers:
- “We have been together for 10 years, openly talking about love is probably superfluous, and everything is clear.”
- “Conversations – how is it? We should sit in the kitchen and say: I love you, I love you too — is that right?
- “It’s hard to talk about feelings, but I would like to.”
But after an hour of talking about the relationship, the men voiced feelings that they had never spoken about:
- “I love her, even when she smears her hands with cream in bed and at the same time loudly, loudly“ champs ”it.
- “If I were now asked if I am a happy person, I would answer: yes, and this is only thanks to her.”
- «I love her even when she thinks she doesn’t love me.»
Watch this video and talk about love.
Why don’t men like to talk about feelings?
Experts explain what prevents men from openly expressing their feelings and in what cases they cannot be silent about love.
In one experiment, young men and girls were given a recording of a baby crying to listen to. Young people turned off the record much faster than girls. Psychologists at first believed that this was due to low emotional sensitivity. But blood tests showed that the boys in this situation greatly increased the level of stress hormones.
A woman is more adapted to such emotional outbursts, including intense conversations about feelings. Evolution has programmed men for protection, manifestation of strength, active actions and, as a result, for turning off emotions, for example, in war or hunting. As a result, it became natural for men. Women, on the contrary, were protected so that they would produce offspring, were tied to the house and small children.
It’s natural for women to talk about feelings, for men action is more suitable.
They were too valuable to endanger in the struggle for territory or food, so the men had to take risks. The death of several men did not affect the ability to reproduce offspring, but the death of several women threatened with significant losses in the size of the tribe.
As a result, women live longer and are generally less likely to die at every stage of their lives than men. For example, newborn premature boys are more likely to die in infancy than premature girls. These gender differences persist throughout life, and even older men are far more likely to die shortly after the death of their wife than women are when their husband dies.
The difference in the manifestation of emotions in boys and girls is manifested from early childhood. Girls should be more in touch with mood and emotions than boys, because in the future they will have to feel their child, give him spiritual and physical warmth, affection, a sense of confidence, approval. Therefore, for women, talking about feelings is more natural, for men, actions are more suitable.
What to do if your man rarely talks about feelings?
Do you constantly tell your partner about feelings and want the same from him, but in response to silence? What to do to make a man’s feelings more transparent for you, and relationships more open?