Why does your ex reappear in your life?

You receive a message or a call from him and start to wonder what caused his unexpected appearance. If the answer to this question is still important to you, then the feelings have not cooled down and you still have hopes to start everything from scratch. Understanding what drives a partner will help protect boundaries and not allow yourself to be manipulated. Five reasons for him to come back.

1. Sex

He has not met a partner with whom he is as good in bed as he was with you. You will be tempted to go for physical intimacy again. It would be more correct to say “stop” to yourself and take a break. Start chatting and make sure that you are offered not only a bed, but also a relationship for the well-being of which a person is ready to be responsible.

2. Wounded pride

He could face the fact that in the new relationship that developed after the breakup, he was rejected. Talk and find out how his personal life developed. If he managed to survive the fresh drama, be careful. Most likely, he sees you as a comfort vest.

3. Habit

He is used to you and knows your reactions. Relations with another person are full of new moments, but not always joyfully colored. Your quarrels and disagreements at a distance seem not so significant. However, it is worth remembering that everything that he was used to led you to break. It is necessary that both are ready to accept each other, understanding that they still remain the same people that they were before parting.

4. Doubts

He himself made the decision to part, but after a while he begins to doubt. Messages and calls to you are just attempts to understand yourself. Don’t let the other side play with your feelings. You deserve direct and definite answers.

5. Second Chance

He thought he made a mistake by parting with you. If the partner is sincere and you are ready to try to start over, it will take a lot of inner work and mutual trust to acknowledge and accept what has ruined the relationship. And decide together what to do from now on, so as not to end up in the same position.

“We need to analyze the reasons for the breakup and develop new rules for communication”

Natalia Artsybasheva, gestalt therapist

Breakups happen in different ways. Someone talks about their feelings, analyzes the situation and goes for it deliberately. Someone acts under the influence of emotions, not really understanding himself, then returns are more likely.

Often partners project personal dissatisfaction with life, internal trouble on each other. I feel bad, so it’s your fault. They make others responsible for their discomfort and live with the illusion that by leaving their partner, they will also leave the problem.

But if the problem is in yourself, it is impossible to get away from it. An independent meeting with reality quickly destroys this illusion. Suddenly it turns out that it is difficult to earn a living and the ex-husband, who carried this responsibility alone, was really tired, and did not pretend. Grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning do not happen automatically, and the ex-wife needed help, and did not try to restrict freedom and ruin life.

At worst, it robs us of courage, forces us to retreat. When a partner is drawn to you just because they are subconsciously terrified of life without being able to rely on you as before, this can lead to a vicious cycle of leaving and returning.

If you make a firm and conscious decision to start over, you need to analyze the reasons for the breakup, develop new rules for communication. Tell each other about feelings (including negative ones) and make rational decisions: how your life will change, what will now be considered unacceptable, what will be the sanctions / responsibility of the violator, what new customs, traditions and goals your couple will have.

Well, if you draw up a contract: obligations or solemn promises to each other. Not as a legal document, but as a symbol of new life. Verbal agreements can be forgotten. Something materialized helps to remember and support new plans.