Contents
Hello dear blog readers! Today we will talk about those people who closed in on themselves and directed all their attention to their inner world, without the risk of opening outward. They are called differently, introverts, schizoids, or simply — a closed person.
Characterization
Closeness has such signs as the inability to establish not only close relationships, but in general, contact with others. If someone pays attention and turns to such a person, it will cause him a lot of tension, anxiety and sometimes even fear. If these are innate character traits that symbolize closeness, then he does not know how to establish affection and is next to another person, receiving his support and attention. Because there is a subconscious fear that his personality will be swallowed up and destroyed, and he will cease to exist as separate and unique.
If he acquired during his life, being subjected to a series of disappointments or betrayals, or becoming a participant in a traumatic situation, he will simply be afraid to open up to the world again. By avoiding relationships, he will avoid pain. Because there is an illusion that life becomes easier this way. But human psychology is such that he is a social being and simply needs intimacy and communication. I recommend reading the article about communication skills.
In communicating with introverts and schizoids, you will be able to track that they rarely look into your eyes, being afraid to «clash with eyes.» After all, this threatens that they will have to experience some feelings that, for various reasons, do not want to feel. For example, out of inability to handle them, or out of unwillingness to feel them again. And sometimes, so that you do not notice what they are currently experiencing.
When you try to speak sincerely and «heart to heart» you run the risk of running into a wall of intellectualization. After all, it helps a lot not to feel, as a result of which the conversation does not arouse interest and desire to continue it further. Lethargy is another sign that helps answer the question: “how to recognize a closed person?”. Yes, it is inhibition, because the inner world is so captivating that it is not always possible to switch quickly, and most often you don’t want to. In the company, he will be isolated, somewhere nearby, watching the rest, as if “looking closely” at them.
Causes
- Remember, I said that there are different types of temperament? If not, look here. Now, a child is born with a certain type, usually phlegmatic or melancholic. It’s just that since childhood it’s been much more interesting for him to be with himself, his inner world is much more captivating than the outer one, so you shouldn’t sound the alarm and try to change it.
- Why does a person become closed? Yes, because in adolescence he did not cope with the task of development due to conflict situations or misunderstandings with peers. As a result, having experienced a lot of feelings and not finding support, he decided to become invisible so that everything would not happen again. Shame literally paralyzes in attempts to behave at ease in the company of strangers.
- If parents in childhood do not pay due attention and care, the child, not feeling support, can become a deviant, or vice versa, closes in on himself, since adults ignore his problems, he decides that others will not need him either. What does the word «deviant» mean, you can see in this article.
- The negative experience of being born in an aggressive family where every move is devalued and punished. Everything that a child doesn’t do is disliked. Over time, every attempt to stand out and show up will be accompanied by guilt, shame, horror, fear, and other feelings. This usually happens in families where one of the parents, more often the father, has an alcohol addiction and every time he drinks, he becomes violent.
- As I said at the beginning, a person often becomes closed due to a traumatic situation. For example, if a husband cheated or a girlfriend betrayed, the psyche may not withstand the stress, and in order to preserve the personality, create such a protective mechanism by directing attention deep into oneself. Such a person may well deceive himself, believing that there is simply no need for others anymore. In fact, it is the pain that speaks in him, which is covered with indifference and pomposity. After all, it is much easier to devalue the importance of others than to admit that you began to shun them out of fear and a sense of vulnerability.
Recommendations
1. Do not insist
If there is a loved one in your environment who has such a closed character due to the type of temperament, do not put pressure on him. Do not create unnecessary stress by forcing you to go to a noisy company, trying to introduce someone and so on. By these actions, which look violent for him, you will only increase resistance and the desire to hide even deeper as soon as possible so that they don’t get it.
2. Do not hold back emotions
Over time, this will lead not only to various diseases, but also complicate communication with others. Learn to pause and notice why you don’t like someone or why you’re angry at them and don’t want to cross paths.
Awareness of the root cause will help in the future to get rid of the accumulated negativity and establish contact, and, importantly, the perception of other people. Have you noticed that, for example, feeling lonely, you envied a happy colleague, and did not understand, why does she annoy you so much?
3.Give yourself a chance
How to stop being closed after the betrayal of a loved one? Yes, just give yourself a chance to live a full life, sometimes it is important to be able to let go of resentment and disappointment, although they are painful, they are useful, because they give you the opportunity to reevaluate your life, to realize yourself, your resources and limitations. And it is very important to take a step towards development, no matter how difficult it is, but to feel even negative is much better than insensitivity.
Believe me, because in insensitivity you deprive yourself of joy, happiness, pleasure … And this will eventually lead to deep depression, which often ends in suicide. Here’s how to deal with depression.
4.Comfort zone
If you feel that you have become not as sociable as before, try to leave your comfort zone, and still, by force, go to the company, to parties where there will be a lot of intersections. Over time, your tension will begin to weaken with each acquaintance, because everything we do turns into a skill. And in order to find out how to discover the talent of an outgoing personality in yourself, I recommend reading this article.
5. Self-esteem
And do not forget to work on your self-esteem, because lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities often prevents you from taking a risk and taking the first step by meeting a girl you like or talking to your boss about a promotion. Having learned to accept yourself as you are, having initially got to know yourself, realizing your actions, reactions and character traits, it will be much easier for you to defend your interests, communicate freely and enjoy it.
Conclusion
Introverted people lose enough pleasure and joy in their lives, they have fewer discoveries and a feeling that they are significant and needed, so look around, not all people are terrible, looking closer, suddenly you will find interest in them and realize that you can trust again. That’s all for today, take care of yourself and your loved ones!