Contents
Why do you have to learn to “let go” of people?
Psychology
Many times, the healthiest thing is to talk to people who do not make us feel good, even if we are very fond of them
Many people find it difficult to stop putting the needs of others first, and look out for themselves. And along the way, they are involved in relationships and dynamics in which they have contact with people who, in general, do not bring them good things. “Let go” of a person, as if it were Marie Kondo saying goodbye to those objects that do not bring happiness, it is very difficult. But there are times when some friends, our partner, or even some relatives, all they do is make us feel bad, even without being aware of it.
Fear of changes
Nadia del Real, a psychologist at Centro Tap, explains that, in general, we are afraid of changes and have the need to stay
in those known relationships and therefore stable. “That makes it difficult for us to stop and make decisions about whether that relationship is really what we want, what makes us happy or what we need,” he says. When a relationship of any kind begins, it has benefits for us and, over time, these may cease to exist. Perhaps then, we remain anchored in that initial idea, without realizing that the dynamics is no longer the same. “We pursue consistency; It is difficult to realize what we have changed or that person has changed and that what we once bet on now is not doing us any good, “he adds.
It may be difficult for us to identify the people around us who have a “negative impact” on us. «It is important to take stock and evaluate how we feel when we are with certain people, how we stay after having spent time with them and also identify how they make us feel possible comments, opinions, criticisms or advice that come from their part “, says the psychologist.
On the other hand, there is a possibility that that person does not intend to harm us, but the way in which he addresses us, or his own personality is not what we need. “It is difficult, but it is also very necessary to assess when someone does not give us pleasant emotions, does not feel good,” takes away energy “and we do not feel heard or understood”, Nadia del Real expands.
What if we are the ones who hurt someone?
Nadia del real, a psychologist at Centro TAP, comments that, in the exercise of assessing the needs and expectations of each member of a relationship (as a couple, friendship, family …) it is important to assess when it is the other person who perhaps he expects something from us that we do not know – or cannot – give him. “When we are aware that our perspectives are not the same, that we are in different phases of the relationship or we simply have different expectations, perhaps the most sensible thing is to suggest that each one take the direction they consider,” he says.
It also indicates that communication is essential in this type of decision. “That is why the most appropriate thing, if we really think that we are causing damage, is to approach it to explore how the person involved feels and what intention they have in this regard,” he says.
If we have reached the point where we want to leave someone behind, we find ourselves in a situation in which we had an emotional relationship, and in which important emotions and feelings have been generated over time. Thus, This “break” can cause sadness, ambivalence, loneliness or emotional emptiness. On the other hand, the psychologist comments that feelings of relief, well-being and liberation can also be experienced, depending on the direction our relationship is taking and the point where we are. “What is evident is that it involves a change in our lives and therefore we will go through different states of mind,” adds the professional, who explains that the important thing in this specific situation is to be sure of the decision made. “It is important to think about oneself, about our well-being and therefore, follow through with the decision, being aware of the emotional changes that it will entail,” he says.
What if we regret it?
Finally, Nadia del Real talks about the situation in which, after the “break”, we miss that person. The first thing he points out is that it is very important to understand that “we all have the right to change our minds and make mistakes.” «Starting from that base, and in the case of relationships that have already taken place, it is essential to reflect on our emotions“, He comments and concludes:” You have to think well if it is about nostalgia for feeling lonely, or if it really is about that person and therefore we are determined to take a step to resume the relationship.