Why do women refuse cunnilingus?

According to one legend, cunnilingus was given to man by the gods themselves. Mourning her dead brother, the goddess of youth, Hebe, after her wedding with Hercules, gave a 40-day vow of chastity, but as a compromise, she offered her husband to appease him with her lips. After the end of the mourning, the celestial gave reciprocal caresses to his wife, and both liked the discovery so much that the whole Olympus soon learned about it, and then the knowledge about it was presented to people. According to legend, cunnilingus saved Zeus’ wife Hera from her grumpy temper.

There is also a scientific explanation why cunnilingus is so valued by women. Only on the head of the clitoris there are about 8000 nerve endings, while the most sensitive area of ​​​​a man – the head of the penis – has only 4000. And if the vaginal orgasm seems to be something unattainable for many women, then the pleasure of stimulating the clitoris is a priori available to most. Nevertheless, cunnilingus continues to be a dream for many women.

There is a stereotype that men who supposedly do not like cunnilingus became the initiators of such an embargo. But it’s not. According to a study published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, only 7% of men do not like this type of contact, while the rest like to do cunnilingus (52%) or at least welcome it (41%). But even considering that among women there were half as many fans (28%) and much more opponents of blowjobs (17%), couples practice cunnilingus much less often than fellatio¹.

It turns out that women themselves refuse oral sex. But why? I had to discuss this with many clients, and almost all cited the inability of a partner to do cunnilingus as the main reason. Guided by intuition, or worse, by porn stories, they delivered such unpleasant sensations to their partner that there was no question of any “music of the mouth”. What mistakes can (willingly or unwittingly) make men? I have selected five of the most common.

Attacking style

In cunnilingus, many men operate on the principle of “the stronger – the better.” They tense their tongues and resolutely go into battle, immediately starting to intensively drill, pull, torment and even chew on delicate organs. A bundle of nerve endings literally explodes from sharp and painful sensations, causing a woman to have only one desire – to quickly stop this torture.

Cunnilingus is always performed with a soft and relaxed tongue. For those who are not sure about the delicacy of caresses with the tip, it is better to use its entire surface and optimally reverse, more delicate side. The pace should also be soft: despite the fact that the clitoris is a hypersensitive zone, the phase of female arousal is longer and premature intense movements can be unpleasant. Cunnilingus should start with light touches and caresses, gradually increasing the impact.

Point actions

Often, men perceive cunnilingus as caressing the head of the clitoris, believing that this is the most direct way to an orgasm for a partner. Not only does such localization deprive a woman of full pleasure, it can also lead to the opposite effect, because this organ is so sensitive that for some, its direct stimulation can even cause pain.

Cunnilingus covers the entire area of ​​​​the external genital organs, and the more varied the caresses, the more pleasure oral sex brings to a woman. The impact on erogenous zones can be either sequential or simultaneous – for example, many girls enjoy simultaneous stimulation of the clitoris and labia: fingers are also involved in cunnilingus. Needless to say, they should be well-groomed and smooth (at least through the use of a lubricant).

Lack of lubrication

Like classic sex, cunnilingus must be “wet”, otherwise it threatens with discomfort and irritation of the mucous membranes. The function of natural lubrication is usually performed by saliva, but in case of its lack, special lubricants and oils must be used. In addition, such products add color to the process itself, because they have a pleasant smell and taste.

Hygiene

Having grown a three-day stubble or joining the ranks of lambersexuals, men run the risk of “failing” cunnilingus, and the reason is obvious: the contact of spiky vegetation with delicate skin causes sensations similar to sandpaper processing: what a pleasure it is!

For the sake of truth, a mustache or a beard does not always irritate a woman (on the contrary), but this requires special skill and sensitivity from a man. If you don’t have such experience yet, it’s better to prepare for cunnilingus and still shave smoothly. And of course, hygiene and grooming are obligatory for both partners, especially since today there are many cosmetology, intimate hygiene and “delicious” lubricants available.

Lack of emotional contact

Like the perfect blowjob, a good cunnilingus is impossible without an emotional component. But if visual contact is important for a man, support and words are much more important for a woman. Moreover, many girls are really worried about the appearance of the genitals, smell and many other nuances, which, of course, affects relaxation and the process of arousal. Seducing his partner with “Hebe’s caresses”, a man should show her without exaggeration that she is a goddess: compliment her, admire an interesting intimate haircut or impeccable hair removal.

Unlike ancient times, today you can find out about these and many other mistakes in just a few clicks, because the Internet is simply replete with both the reviews of the girls themselves and the advice of specialists. But despite this, the number of enlightened men is not growing as dynamically as we would like.

There are a number of reasons for this, and one of them is the difficulty of practical training (it is difficult to imagine a man who would be happy to practice language techniques on a rubber simulator in a group of the same beginners). But even if a man has mastered the theory to perfection, each partner is individual, and what one likes, for the other, may turn out to be unpleasant.

Therefore, the opportunity to enjoy cunnilingus in one way or another is in the hands of the woman herself and largely depends on her ability to convey her desires, fantasies and needs to her partner.

Since for most people talking about sex is much more difficult than doing it, I suggest that girls use simple tricks that will allow them to tell their partner what they expect from oral sex with minimal discomfort.

1. Suspension

Do not use personal pronouns in conversation: talk about abstract people or events, and you will find that talking about “it” will become much easier. For example, tell your partner that you recently watched a very exciting science film or read an article about cunnilingus, from which you learned a lot of unexpected things about the structure of the clitoris and stimulation of this zone. At the same time, try to describe all the details in as much detail as possible, casually giving them your assessment in the spirit of “but really, I didn’t even think that discomfort arises from dryness.” If a man is really interested in the question of his partner’s pleasure, he will definitely hear you.

2. Visualization

For those who find it difficult to verbalize their desires even remotely, visual aids will help. For example, you can show your most sensitive points on the diagram of the structure of the clitoris. If your partner is not deprived of a sense of humor, and you are familiar with graphic editors, you can even create a funny animated GIF with a perfect cunnilingus scenario. Non-verbal means are also available in the process of intimacy: for example, a girl can apply edible oil for oral sex to her most sensitive areas and offer her partner to gently “remove” it.

3. A game

Perhaps the game is one of the best formats for the exchange of intimate desires, because it does not involve a serious conversation, claims and criticism. For sexual game formats, in particular, a variation of the “hot-cold” game familiar to everyone from childhood is suitable. Agree with your partner on these or any other code words and use them during caresses, directing him into more sensitive and away from less pleasant zones of stimulation.

¹ J. Wood et al. «Was it good for you too? An analysis of gender differences in oral sex practices and pleasure ratings among heterosexual Canadian university students». Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, vol. 25.