Why do women live with manipulators?

Many victims of abuse deny they have a problem, preferring fond memories of moments when their partner was caring, caring, and empathetic. They deceive themselves to maintain the illusion of a healthy relationship and harm themselves.

These women can’t let go of the dreams of what the relationship should have been. The ideal picture is based on the early period of acquaintance, when the partner manipulated them, showering them with manifestations of love, passion was seething, warmed up by the “hormones of love”.

Here are four types of self-deception that women engage in when they are being manipulated and emotionally abused by a narcissistic partner.

1. “If I can show him how much I love him, he will change.”

At your core, you believe that all vices and flaws of character can be healed with unconditional, unwavering love. If you still cherish the hope that the relationship can be saved, and the partner’s shortcomings can be eliminated by the power of love, it’s time to think. What is really going on? You constantly feed your partner’s narcissism with love and attention.

He does not give you a second of rest, tormenting you with intrigues, deceit and manipulation. It takes all your attention. It is like a tick that has crawled under the skin and sucked out health, happiness and well-being. Your unwavering love only supports his unhealthy tendencies, gradually absorbing all the healthy that is in you until it swallows you whole.

2. “He is going through a difficult period in his life, but everything will be fine soon”

Life difficulties can lead to temporary changes in a person’s behavior. But, if he has been following the same pattern for a long time (a fleeting display of kindness is replaced by cruelty), it is clear that the reason is not in temporary difficulties, but in deeply rooted unhealthy character traits.

3. “He’s not really like that. He’s never been like this before.»

You simply cannot get rid of that idealized image of a partner that you have created for yourself. In reality, it has always been the way it is now.

Let’s look at the facts:

• Does he care about your feelings?
• Does he worry about you if you say how hard and hurt you are after a quarrel?
• Does he take you seriously when you say how bad you feel about relationship problems?

Or is he dismissive of your experiences and claims that you are making everything up?

4. «I can’t give up and leave him»

You need to understand the difference between «I give up and give up» and «I’ve had enough.» It’s time to realize that it can’t go on like this any longer, and set boundaries.

If you are one of those who are used to never giving up anything, ready to be with a partner «in poverty and in wealth, in sickness and in health,» this can be very difficult. You are true to your principles and convinced that under no circumstances should you give up and give up, because this means admitting personal defeat.

Such beliefs prevent you from getting out of the impasse in which you have fallen. Most likely, you have always succeeded in everything, no matter what you undertake. You set goals for yourself and achieved them with hard work, determination and perseverance. Your motto is “if we fly, then to the moon, and if we miss, we will still find ourselves among the stars.” Saving a relationship is just another goal that you have set for yourself, and you will achieve it at any cost, even at the cost of your own life.

Do not let yourself be destroyed, such a relationship cannot be saved. The narcissist does not want to change or «fix» the relationship. Deep down, you understand this, but you try to suppress such thoughts. You can see that this person is not interested in compromise solutions. He does not believe that the two of you have equal rights and that you can find an option that meets the needs of both.

Or you yourself do not believe that you are worthy of equality. Maybe after many years of constant humiliation, followed by affection and care, again replaced by cruelty, did you really believe in your insignificance? You can no longer imagine that relationships can be arranged so that they suit both.

You know what to do

You will not be able to correct the situation, and it is time to get rid of the illusions. It is important to finally acknowledge the horror and hopelessness of the situation. Think about what will happen if you can’t do it. Acknowledge the situation for what it is, stop trying to save it, and realize the damage done to your life. After that, the healing process can begin.

Source: www.yourtango.com