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Few people admit that they voluntarily agreed to share a loved one with his wife, and yet someone finds himself in such a triangle for many years. Why do women accept the role of mistress? Tell those who tried to understand themselves and their choice.
«I love freedom»
“Once I admitted to myself: the only thing that really hurts me is the understanding that he is now with another woman,” says Olga, 29. — It’s hard when I imagine how he plays the role of husband and father there. And no matter how he assured me that his heart is with me, it is unbearable to think that after all, he also has intimacy with his wife.
But when he sends her with the child on vacation and we spend days and nights without a break, I … get tired. It’s like I don’t have enough space, the opportunity to be alone with my thoughts. Hand on heart, I think if my friend got divorced, I would like to always have the opportunity to live alone. It turns out that partly this situation suits me because I belong to myself more.
«I’m used to living in competition»
“I followed his wife on social media,” says Marianne, 28. — It only made me feel worse, but I still tried to know more about her, so as not only not to concede, but also to surpass her. To be more beautiful, more interesting. When I felt that I could no longer live like this and was literally losing myself, I went to a psychologist.
We talked a lot about my childhood, and I suddenly realized that I was used to the struggle for attention and love. At first, I was terribly jealous of my younger sister for my mother. I thought she stole the attention of my parents from me. I tried to prove that I was much more interesting than a little crying baby doll, because of which my mother has sleepless nights.
When my parents divorced and my father had a son in a new family, my sister and I were already desperately competing for my father’s attention. It’s like I’ve been in this sparring since childhood. It is important for me to prove to myself and to the environment that I am better. It took a long time to admit it and get out of the dependent, destroying relationship.”
«His guilt plays into my hands»
“I realized that he would never divorce, no matter what he told me,” admits Maria, 30 years old. — If so, I also try to treat this situation in a way that is convenient for me. He celebrates the New Year and the weekend is not with me. Feels guilty about it. And yes, I benefit from his culpability.
He gives me generous gifts, pays for travel. I used to cry, make scandals, we quarreled, but now I realized that for this I can at least ask him for everything I want. He cannot refuse me. It may sound cynical, but if I do not want to part with this person, then at least I recognize the bonuses of my position.
“I’m afraid that everything will be like in my family”
“This was not my first story with a married man,” says Alina, 33. — When we broke up, I made a promise to myself never to agree to such a relationship again. However, after a year and a half, I met again the one who turned out to be married. And I chose him, although there were other worthy contenders.
One young man proposed to me, and it was obvious: he loves me, I can rely on him. When we analyzed what was happening with the psychologist, I realized that the family is exactly what I’m afraid of. My parents lived as neighbors, their relationship was formal and cold. Mom, according to her, saved the family for the sake of the children — me and my brother. I always felt that she was suffering.
The very status of a wife has become associated with women like my mother, whom marriage has made unhappy, killed their beauty and cheerfulness. The position of mistress seems to challenge the family model of life, which scares me. I realized that as soon as someone appears on the horizon with whom I can potentially create something serious, I avoid this opportunity. And I choose a relationship with a married man.
«I don’t deserve better»
“This situation exhausted me,” says Olesya, 35. — When he left for his wife, I felt like a street dog that was thrown out into the street. I lost interest in everything, stopped meeting friends. And there was no way to break this connection. With the last money, I flew to the island for a couple of months — such a kind of downshifting helped to look at the situation from the outside.
I realized that I agreed to the humiliating role of the second woman, because it seemed to me that there would be nothing better in my life. I thought a lot about myself, my childhood, when I really missed my father, who left not only my mother, but also me. We haven’t seen him since I was ten years old, and it hurt a lot. I lived with the feeling that I had no right to much. Can’t be loved. Have a husband and children.
I returned with an understanding of this and a desire to change everything. It was painful to break ties with the person I love, but I realized that we had no prospects. And only in this way I part with the pain of my past.