“White Knight Syndrome” – this is how you can call an irresistible desire to save others. Rescuers are looking for weak partners who can be patronized and protected. But under the visor of a noble knight, selfish motives often hide.
Many people think that white knight syndrome only occurs in men who are attracted to problematic women. Devoting yourself to the service of a beautiful lady, rushing to her aid, pulling her out of trouble – this raises self-esteem and gives life meaning. The tendency to self-sacrifice is not only found in men, it is not only the desire to earn points for good deeds.
A lot of women suffer from the hero complex, for it to manifest itself, high relationships are not necessary. There are those who feed on drama and enjoy the problems of life. They are imbued with other people’s misadventures and rush to settle someone’s affairs. What is presented as a desire to help, in fact, is an attempt to attract attention and control others.
At first, such people really deeply sympathize and take care of their partner in every possible way, but against the background of care, narcissistic needs develop. They want to:
• they were admired;
• loved only them;
• considered them irreplaceable;
• recognized their importance;
• followed their instructions.
Many women dream of a white knight, but those who met him realized that life with him is not a fairy tale. Much depends on pride: if it has become exorbitant, it will be difficult to leave.
What causes the syndrome? For instance,
• low self-esteem;
• unclear life guidelines;
• feeling of abandonment;
• early loss of parents;
• narcissism.
As a rule, in personal relationships, white knights behave in the same way:
• often idealize a partner;
• painfully react to any refusal;
• do their best to emphasize their importance;
• resort to manipulation, sometimes unconsciously;
• specifically choose partners with problems;
• fall into emotional dependence;
• do not believe that they can be loved just like that.
Of course, not every person with white knight syndrome is a narcissist. However, the relationship in which he demonstrates anxiety can hardly be called healthy. They can do without manipulation, but they are still tormented by unresolved spiritual conflicts and expose themselves to unjustified risks, constantly rushing to save someone.
White knights are drawn to the wrong people, depriving themselves of the opportunity to have a healthy relationship where there is no eternal drama.
There are several reasons for the behaviour. People often feel secret “noble” intentions, which eventually develops into open hostility and causes suffering. Even if the white knights receive love, attention, admiration and recognition of merit, their contribution is disproportionate. They constantly overpay for everything that the rest gets for free, so self-esteem can not be raised.
Because they are drawn to the wrong people, they deprive themselves of the opportunity to enter into healthy relationships, where there is no eternal drama and overload. Often they save the afflicted at the cost of their well-being. Many seek to solve other people’s problems simply because it is a convenient way to avoid having to deal with their own troubles. Women’s “white chivalry” is dangerous because it is very acute. If a man is inclined to save troubled women, a woman becomes attached to abusive men with various forms of addiction.
It is difficult to deal with personality disorders on your own, if you find signs of the white knight syndrome in yourself or your partner, it is better to contact a psychotherapist.
Source: psychology.com