Why do we so rarely smile at strangers?

Having met the eyes of a fellow traveler in transport, just like us, a customer in a store or just a random passerby, we try to look away and almost never smile at strangers. What is the reason for our apparent «inhospitability»? We asked our experts to answer this question.

We try not to draw attention to ourselves

Vladimir Zinchenko, Doctor of Psychology

We are accustomed to living in an atmosphere of mutual distrust — to the police, authorities, doctors, the state as a whole and just to an individual. Trying to protect ourselves, we prefer not to express emotions in front of strangers: we do not know what our smile will lead to, whether it will be correctly interpreted. In turn, someone’s unexpected smile is often perceived by us as an invasion of personal space. After all, smiling is a natural human reaction. If you smile at a child, he will definitely respond in kind. So do not be afraid to give it to other people and, in any case, to your loved ones.

We express joy only from meeting with «our», acquaintances

Galina Zuckerman, Doctor of Psychology

Our culture, unfortunately, is more characterized by a slight expression of displeasure than joy and positivity. This tradition has very deep roots, partly connected with the Russian interpretation of Christian suffering as a guarantee of salvation. “Be more serious!”, “Raise a child in strictness”… All these stereotypes unconsciously control us. And besides, the social role of a smile in different countries is not the same: it is customary for us to smile not for everyone, but only for people we know. Does your friend smile when you meet? Then it’s all right. But if he does not smile, we understand for sure that something is wrong with him, which means that we need to ask, help, participate. We are familiar with this coordinate system.

We lack confidence in ourselves

Sergey Bratchenko, existential psychologist

Our unsmiling has less to do with how we treat other people than with ourselves. Those who save on smiles are, by and large, in a state of war with themselves and the world — a state that their internal complexes support … A confident, self-respecting person has a smile without effort — as a natural manifestation of a good mood, a sense of fullness of life, trust in peace, willingness to boldly and openly enter into communication with other people. Such a person smiles not only to those around him, but also to himself, his life as such, and his smile is a sign of health, strength and inner harmony.