Why do we not rejoice in the happy moments of life

Most people love holidays. And the more joyful the expectation, the more effort, time and money needed to prepare for them. Indeed, in this case, we are confident that our mental and material investments will definitely be justified, and we will eventually receive a “bonus” – tremendous satisfaction from the work done. This is how the human psyche works.

The same is told in fairy tales and books: the protagonist, who has experienced dangerous adventures and suffering, endured hardships and lived through countless stages of development, in the finale is usually waiting for the fulfillment of a cherished desire.

Significant events in our lives – New Year, wedding, anniversary or some important achievements (passing a session, getting a diploma, buying a car, paying off a mortgage) – are overgrown with a huge amount of expectations and hopes for happy changes in life. However, most often in reality, instead of joyful emotions and inspiration, we experience emptiness and depression, we don’t even have time to enjoy the joy that everything is over. Why?

• It’s all about dopamine. When we prepare for an important task and live in anticipation of a certain event, the production of dopamine in the body increases. The task of this hormone is not only to help us experience momentary joy from some little things, but also to help us achieve our goals. Thanks to dopamine, we are able to imagine what awaits us, feel joy from it and strive to finish our work as soon as possible. But as soon as we reach the goal, dopamine ceases to be released, so the long-awaited event immediately ceases to bring us pleasure, because there is nothing more to look forward to.
• We spend a lot of energy. Preparing for any very important event forces us to work almost to the point of exhaustion. It’s not uncommon to hear stories that when planning a wedding, people are so focused on the process that they don’t allow themselves even minimal rest. And about depression on the eve of the New Year and the desire to do everything in one day, a huge number of articles have been written. Therefore, it is not surprising that such events completely wear out the psyche. And, as soon as everything ends, fatigue literally knocks us off our feet.
• We overestimate the state of happiness. When we wait a long time for something—a New Year, a birthday, a coveted position in a company, a mortgage payment—we tend to overestimate the power of the coming emotions. It seems to us that when we put an end to the preparations, we will feel an extraordinary depth of happiness. But when that day comes, we suddenly realize that nothing special is happening: we do not experience those overwhelming emotions that we thought about and believed in. As a result, we experience disappointment.
• We no longer have a goal. We experience confusion when we achieve our goal, because we have not yet invented a new one for ourselves, so everything that happens seems to lose its meaning. In order not to experience disappointment and other negative emotions, you need to understand that any event, regardless of the status that we award it, is not the most important milestone on our life path. Do not overestimate it, because high expectations always lead to disappointment. This means that the very idea of ​​​​the festival must be learned in some way to devalue.

You should not treat such events as the beginning of something new, even when we talk about the New Year or a wedding: these are just holidays, the emotional burden and significance that we ourselves attach. Life is a series of different moments: some of them are more important, some are less important, but all of them, without exception, make it diverse and interesting.

The best way to not get frustrated is to always plan something else and not get hung up on one thing, do other things as well. And, of course, allow yourself to rest and relax, because our brain needs a reboot from time to time – this is an indispensable condition for it to work better and more productively and, most importantly, to notice and read positive life moments.