Why do we need memories

He calls himself an “interpreter of memories”: there are several thousand of them in the collection of Patrick Estrada, and he has been studying them for more than twenty years. Memories are a mold of our personality, proof that our existence is unique, he says. These are our footholds in the past.

They bear the imprint of our individuality, reveal what is peculiar to us: how we live, what we are afraid of, what kind of relationship we have with others. They reflect our lifestyle and talents. In the book “Memories that guide us” Patrick Estrad sets out his theory of memories.

They affect our destiny

“We are so used to looking into the distance that we forget that it is very close. Memories seem so natural and mundane. Working as a psychotherapist has helped me take a closer look at them, and I have come to the conclusion that they are priceless treasures that we do not use much.

Even among memory specialists there are few who study memories. Maybe because we do not understand their meaning and are not aware of the power they have. Memories are the foundation, the soil on which we walk throughout our lives. They influence our choices and destiny and, in a sense, control us.

One of my clients lived with the feeling that he had lost his bearings in life. It turned out that childhood memories of numerous family moves were preserved in his memory. It was they who helped me find the image of his experience: he no longer understood where he was …

But memories can also interfere with personal development – this happened to another client: as a child, his father constantly made fun of him, the memory of this helped to determine why, as an adult, his son cannot complete any business he starts.

They are the barometer of our emotions.

“We remember this or that event not because we think about the past, but because we are now experiencing the same emotions. Memories are a barometer of the inner psychological state. A sad mood will evoke sad memories, a feeling of anxiety will make you remember the anxiety experienced.

One of the clients said more than once that she was not able to make a choice. By chance, she remembered how, year after year, her mother forced her to go to the “hated” summer camp … Everyone has life leitmotifs like: “No one understands me” or “I never do what I want”, and the reason for each of they hide in memories.

They are imprinted in memory due to the strength of the emotions that accompanied this event, but a lot also depends on how we managed to give them meaning. Everything that we experience, from a fleeting impression to intense grief, is recorded on the “hard drive” of our memory, as on an LP.

One woman told how a schoolgirl at the lesson felt great joy when she saw her mother in the window (the girl was sure that her mother was away). The strength of this emotion is forever imprinted in her memory.

They are always ready to resurface

“Those who claim that they have no memories are mistaken: the forgotten is not lost, it is stored in the depths of the brain. Memories are somewhat like fish: some swim close to the surface, and they are perfectly visible, while others stay at a depth. We do not see them, but this does not mean that they are not there: they are ready to emerge and sooner or later they will definitely rise to the surface.

The unconscious has a well-functioning system that brings up only those memories that we need today in order to develop, and only those that we can handle when we meet face to face.

I see this every day in therapy. So, one client experienced incest, but does not remember anything about it. Care is needed here: do not break open the door leading to memories. Since they do not open themselves to us, it means that we are not yet ready for them.

They come to set us free

“How wonderful it is when new memories come to mind, like letters that have lain in the mail for too long, waiting for the addressee. This is a sign that by today we are ripe in order to perceive them.

So it was with a client who remembered only bad things about his father. At that moment, when he met his love, bright memories of his father began to emerge in his memory. More than once I have seen clients have tears in their eyes when new memories begin to appear in their memory. It was like the sunrise when the fog clears and a new landscape opens up before you. This is true self discovery.

It is important to “turn bad memories into words” and “hide” somewhere. Sometimes I ask clients to write them down on paper, put them in an envelope and put them away. If someone has experienced a painful event and has not told anyone about it, I would like that person to have the opportunity to get rid of bad memories.

But good memories need to be cherished and cherished. They fill our entire being, nourish us, excite us, sometimes they don’t even let us fall asleep, and then “settle to the bottom”. These are the reservoirs in which our happiness is stored.

They change our attitude towards the past

“Remembrance never comes just like that, without any purpose. It is like an unfinished story. In the book, I talk about a childhood memory that came to me when I was writing it.

I was very fond of playing with tin soldiers and I remember that this game gave a feeling of power and victory, but I paid for it with a feeling of loneliness. This recollection already spoke of the actual feeling of power and victory that I experienced when I was writing. At the same time, it made me aware of my loneliness. But this time I decided to act differently than in the past: I began to pay more attention to relationships with friends and acquaintances, tried to strengthen them.

Memories help us better understand the present, recover our own past and continue our history, they enrich and saturate our personality. Going in search of memories is like doing a house cleaning. You wipe the dust, get rid of the unnecessary – and sometimes you suddenly stumble upon a long-lost thing. There is hidden energy hidden in newfound memories. You just need to learn to accept them and give them meaning.