A family boat does not necessarily break into everyday life. And in other cases, it is this way of life that helps to unite, the writer Leonid Kostyukov believes.
I remember how, 30 years ago, at a meeting with Soviet citizens, an American woman uttered a remarkable phrase: «We don’t have domestic problems». I admit it sounded deafening. Our life consisted entirely of problems; you could say he was a problem. Life, apart from everyday life, did not take so much time, but a lot of space in the heart and head. I think it can be summarized as follows: everyday life + shortage + lack of money — this was the material side of life in the presence and great influence of some ideal side. For example, love, friendship, labor enthusiasm. And the ideal side somehow permeated the material side. For example, friendship turned into mutual assistance: what was not in the store, they took it from their neighbors.
Returning to the American woman and her realities, we were prepared for the fact that they had completely different everyday problems there. On another level, so to speak. Now, when our households, frankly, are not much different from Western ones, we understand the meaning of what we heard. No, of course, matter anywhere is burdened with imperfection, and any refrigerator can fail. But it happens that refrigerator repair is not a problem. Like buying food. These are just routine events with a predictable happy ending.
- Bored… is love over?
In fact, it is enough to have two things — a moderately savvy device with the Internet and mobile communications and a plastic card — to get out of any crisis situation. It’s not like the person doesn’t need other people. Other people appear in uniform and within their job responsibilities. Doctors, rescuers, tow trucks, a representative of this and that, locksmiths, computer masters. A person practically does not need the selfless help of ordinary people who happen to be nearby. Or not by chance — the same neighbors.
With the light hand of Mayakovsky, a man, we note, a bachelor, the famous “love boat crashed into everyday life” entered our folklore. This formula is used as one of the typical reasons for divorce. Let me disagree with the classic. According to my experience, the joint overcoming of everyday difficulties not only united, but, as a rule, formed a young family. I remember the excitement and perseverance with which at first I had to get money for a piece of meat, and then — the notorious piece. A piece of meat — just for family borscht. Not to mention the early childhood of the younger generation, which is overgrown with small problems even in the most favorable domestic context. This is — to paraphrase a classic — glue and nails for a family boat.
On the contrary, I remember how the husband and wife, my good friends, went to two apartments in different parts of Moscow and explained this decision: two apartments were formed — why not part?
A paradox arises. Young spouses without hesitation brought the child (in particular, the second and third) to a tiny room, where, at best, father and mother and younger sister lived behind a thin wall (to whom, we note, mother, and to whom mother-in-law / mother-in-law). Having a very limited amount of money per month plus the deficit mentioned above. That is: a crib, baby food, a stroller, etc. – it was all problems. But the problems were cheerfully solved, because there was a problem-solving skill. Today, among families that temporarily refrain from replenishment, there are absolutely prosperous ones. Their logic is obvious: why create problems when there are none? Moreover, young parents who do not associate childbearing with the minimization of everyday problems arouse cautious suspicion today. Why are you so large? Do guardianship authorities cry for you? And then, you know, they give birth for their own pleasure, and rake it all together.
- We are together — each to himself
Here it is to rake everything together, today perceived as an unfortunate danger, once upon a time it was the norm of life. And here I am not referring to Soviet power, but to some global trends, over individual deviations. A community, a large family — a family in a different sense of the word than now. Clan — if this word was not stained with mafia overtones.
It is no coincidence that the inhabitants of the metropolis are so willingly drawn to country life. Note that in the overwhelming majority — not to the Chekhov-dacha, with tea in a saucer, but to the garden-garden-economic. Going through the motives, we immediately reject the purely material ones: all these jars of jam and bags of apples can be purchased in the city at a much lower cost. Yes, of course, fresh air. Healthy lifestyle. That is, work that you do not entrust to anyone. Hundreds of problems and problems that you solve personally, with the help of neighbors and family. In the countryside, the city dweller with love and diligence reproduces the situation of overcoming, which forms a person, a way of life, and a family.
On the other hand, honestly, would I like to return to that naturally lost youth, to scarcity, disorder and poverty? Of course not. I like my dishwasher and the ingenious Chinese knife that rumbles open cans. A broken elevator trains the legs and heart of the inhabitants of the entrance, especially those who live high, but this does not mean that elevators should be broken. It’s just that with the elevator running, it would be nice to find ways to train the legs and the heart.