Why do we make outcasts from patients with coronavirus

“I coughed. At the insistence of my family, I was tested, but the diagnosis of coronavirus was not confirmed. Even when they told me that everything was in order and it was a common cough, a friend with whom we often talked on the phone began to avoid talking, tried to quickly turn off the conversation. As if through a smartphone you can get infected. Funny. But it’s also sad, as if I had lost significance and importance because of the virus. I can imagine what would happen if the test was positive, ”says 54-year-old Irina.

Albert, 27, was luckier, although he tested positive. Friends twice in 14 days came to him and brought food. They just left it at the door. They called every day and asked how I was feeling. And they were ready, if he suddenly gets worse, to come at the first call. Fortunately, he escaped with a low fever and the usual cold snot.

Sometimes our reaction is unexpected for others: we make yesterday’s friends and acquaintances outcasts, or, conversely, rush to help when we learn the news about the disease. So is it worth it to be offended by the one who pressed the “delete” button? Yes, no one likes to feel like a leper. But the vehemence and categoricalness with which our reactions are sometimes manifested surprises many. But not psychologists.

“We are all experiencing stress right now. In stressful situations, we have different types of reactions, they are well known to us, – explains psychologist, psychodramatherapist Natalya Ruzlyaeva. “And we can apply them more or less consciously. We have “favorites” that we take out of the arsenal more often, but depending on the degree of danger and the state we are currently in, we can use any of them or combine them.

Freeze, hit, run – the three main ones. Some psychologists distinguish two more types – die and be friends. If we apply them to the current situation, when we receive news about the illness of someone we know with a dangerous virus, we can come to interesting conclusions.

“I think that several types of reactions are possible here,” continues Natalya Ruzlyaeva. – I worry about the one who got sick, find out how he is, offer my help, support, everything I can do without putting my health at risk (“be friends”).

Or I get scared, but I continue to treat the person as if nothing happened, and I begin to reassure myself, thinking that this person definitely did something wrong: he left the house without a mask, did not wash his hands, did not observe quarantine, but this definitely won’t happen to me, because I’m doing everything right (“freeze”).

I start to panic and declare a sick person persona non grata, cut off all contact with him, because I am afraid that this unknown virus, which is known to be deadly, will touch me and my family. And so it turns out: if I don’t see it, it means no (“hit + run”). And the last reaction is “die”: I just ignore this person as if he is not there.

But how to stop making outcasts out of sick people, because tomorrow we ourselves may find ourselves in this situation? How can you not remember about the boomerang effect: treat others the way you want to be treated.

“In my opinion, the lack of reliable information about COVID-19 gives rise to anger, anxiety and fear most of all,” the psychologist explains. – How it is transmitted, how long it lives, how quickly it mutates. That is why some of us react so strongly to news about those who do not comply with the quarantine, or the number of people who are sick, which is why they choose to cut off communication with those who are sick, in order to gain control over their own safety in this way.

I myself had pneumonia a few years ago and I know how scary it is when the body is exhausted, there is no way to take a normal breath and even get out of bed – a feat. At that moment, the support of friends, colleagues, acquaintances, who wrote to me, told me about life outside the hospital walls, and made our common plans after my recovery, was more important than ever for me.

Support, simple human attention and interest is what we need in everyday life, and in times of stress we need it even more. It is important to remember that people are social creatures, and it doesn’t matter if a person is sick or healthy, he still remains your friend, neighbor, colleague, Natalya Ruzlyaeva is convinced. And he still needs communication, attention, care, because at this moment he is just as scared as we are.

“Perhaps if he could, he would not leave the house at all, but everyone has their own circumstances. And if, due to fear or anxiety, you cannot treat the sick person as before, remember that it is not his fault that he fell ill. The virus does not choose.

Imagine what it would be like for you in his place, and after that, do what you were going to: bypass him or say everything you think about his cough. Maybe when you understand how he feels, you won’t feel like chastising him at all.”