Because we find in the other something similar to us. Or vice versa: we love because «opposites attract.»
We are not afraid of what we are familiar with. You can rely on the familiar, it helps to accept yourself, strengthens you internally. This is the autoerotic, narcissistic component of love.
When we love something different from ourselves, then the beloved completes us, because he is different. The commandment to love your neighbor is known to everyone as «love your neighbor as yourself.» In fact, the original says otherwise: «Love your neighbor, he is the same as you.»
What seems different to us is fundamentally the same as we are. Therefore, love of one’s neighbor requires openness towards oneself. If I have accepted myself, I can accept another. It is often said that one must first learn to love oneself in order to learn to love others later. This is true? Yes and no. “Yes,” because I need to relate to myself somehow: and through my attitude to myself, another opens up to me. But there is also a “no” here, because my love for myself begins with the love of others for me.
Through the love of others, I know that I can be loved. If, for example, my parents love me, although I am not always obedient, then there is something inside me that is valuable to others. And it allows you to love yourself. And now I can see what can be loved in another.
Love is the experience of value through emotions
Happiness in love means that someone invites me to be with him, to experience him as another, and he, in turn, wants to be with me. If I am ready to accept this invitation, then I really love.
What do we experience when we love? We feel that this person is significant, that our heart is attached to him.
What happens to us when we feel? In feeling, I am open and allow it to influence me, to come to my heart. Feelings bring life to me. Then from the touch of another person, I feel as if he is touching my heart.
It’s not sentimental at all. Love is the experience of value through emotions. I begin to feel something deep within me as this inner relationship between my «I» and your «I» resonates. It is this resonance that allows lovers to feel that they belong to each other. If I’m with you, then it’s good for you. The opposite is also true — I feel good being close to you. This connection does not limit us, allowing everyone to be themselves.
Dostoevsky said the same thing: “To love means to see a person as God intended him to be.”