Contents
Many of us want to know more about our family history, and in recent years this interest has become especially noticeable. And others see no point in looking for roots. Let’s try to figure it out.
At the age of 20, I self-confidently declared that family ties were not important to me – friendships were important. Who would have told me then that someday I would start recklessly looking for my fifth cousins … The passion for genealogy began suddenly. It did not occur to me to ask my parents about the family’s past, I was quite content with the meager information that flickered in home conversations. Both my grandparents and maternal grandfather died long before I was born. But my paternal grandfather liked to remember his ancestors, but I listened to him with half an ear. In this line, children were born late, so all the stories were about the 16th century – in my 17-XNUMX years, these times seemed almost epic and did not touch me emotionally. And yet, for some reason, I persuaded my grandfather to write down his memoirs.
Pass the tests
- What role do you play in the family?
- What kind of psychologist are you for your loved ones?
Inspired by my perseverance, he really began to write them, but managed to tell only about his grandfathers and great-grandfathers. And thanks to this very thin school notebook, half-written in his beaded handwriting, five years ago I unexpectedly started searching for my roots. Grandfather was not only accurate in facts, he remembered family traditions. For example, a despotic mayor in anger throws a dagger at a recalcitrant daughter and only miraculously does not injure her – a good plot? And why is the daughter disobedient? Because she was married at the age of 15 instead of her older sister – she hid from her unloved groom on the wedding day, and her father, in order to avoid scandal, sent the younger one down the aisle … And these are not the heroes of the novel, but my great-great-great-grandfather and great-great-grandmother. Rereading my grandfather’s notes, I suddenly saw in my ancestors living people with dramatic destinies. It turned out to be so exciting that I wanted to know more about them. Now I am researching the history of the family in the archives, having taken my relatives with me, I have visited the places where our ancestors lived in Lithuania, Ukraine and Belarus. And my fifth cousin took me around Vilnius: our common ancestor died in 1840, but we feel some kind of connection with her …
There are more and more people who, like me, are more or less interested in genealogy. Although there is no such boom that we see in Western countries in Russia yet. There are millions of registered users on genealogical sites; we have about 200 thousand on the largest resource vgd.ru, which unites people from the former USSR. Approximately 5% of Russians purposefully replenish the family archive, 23% do it from time to time, another 22% plan to do it1. It turns out that half of the population is not indifferent to the past of their family, they want to know more about their history. Why?
Read more:
- They inherited love letters
The past is not for everyone
There are a lot of old family photos, documents, someone’s awards for sale in second-hand bookshops, on the Internet and in street stalls… The question involuntarily arises: whose are they? Why were they abandoned?
“Our grandparents, their parents, the parents of their parents are not only names, but also a certain way of life, a way to respond to various life collisions,” explains Varvara Sidorova. – Not always the descendants are ready to accept this inheritance. If a person has established himself in the position “I have separated from the family”, “I have a different way of living”, then, for example, an old photo album that embodies family traditions has no more value for him. But there is another, unconscious part that whispers: “You betrayed the family, broke the rules.” This voice is so unpleasant that it can cause aggression: “I don’t want to see and know this!” Such collisions especially often happen at the turn of the epochs, whether it be a revolution or a thaw, when, having rejected the “old world”, the youth opposed the elders, devaluing the inherited family scripts.
Read more:
- “The past helped me understand myself”
Oblivion is a survival mechanism
“I was searched for by relatives from my grandfather’s side. I didn’t know anything about his life. Neither grandmother nor father talked about him: they say, they lost contact with him a long time ago. And now we have a family reunion! It is stunning – at the age of 49, to find relatives and find out your roots, your relatives up to the sixth generation! – says 49-year-old Eugene. By and large, we are a country of people who have forgotten their ancestors. 13% of us do not know the names of any great-grandmother and not a single great-grandfather, and only 7% of Russians can name all eight ancestors in this generation2.
“When we study family history, we unconsciously look for good objects for ourselves”
The cruel XNUMXth century forced us to break family ties, erase loved ones from the memory, destroy family documents, hide our origin, including from our own children. “Knowing your past was deadly,” comments psychoanalyst Maria Timofeeva. “Forgetfulness has become a survival mechanism.” Another, more general reason for memory loss is possible, adds family therapist Varvara Sidorova. “The history of the family is woven from facts, rules and ways of life, passed down from generation to generation. If suddenly, due to some circumstances, this story takes a sharp turn, then the old rules no longer help to survive: the family has to invent new ones. And in the minds of future generations, family history will begin with the one who was the first in this new paradigm. Working with clients, I see that someone in the family had this turn in the distant past, but, of course, most often the point of oblivion is found in the twentieth century.
Read more:
- Is our past a shelter or a trap?
Recycle trauma
Interest in our roots began to awaken only in the 90s, when the archives were opened, and flourished in the 2000s thanks to the enormous possibilities of the Internet. Genealogical sites, books, digitized archival inventories and documents, various databases, such as obd-memorial.ru, memo.ru, familysearch.com, make the search a real one for everyone. But the very need to look for ancestors, of course, arises from within.
“The past century has brought so much suffering that each of us has four or five generations behind us that were psychologically traumatized,” explains Maria Timofeeva. “As a rule, only grandchildren are able to process this trauma, it’s not so close anymore, it’s not so painful and scary.”
The state and the society in which we live are still inclined to deny the terrible things that happened in the past. And as a result, hidden, unrecognized trauma is inherited, causing psychological problems for many of us. So those who dared to explore the pages of family history, make a small feat. And this allows them to develop further. 53-year-old Irina says: “I found my grandfather’s 1937 investigation file in the archive, copied what was allowed, and brought the leaflets to my mother. How she cried over them … Before, I was surprised how dryly she remembered her father, but here such emotions! It is very important to close emotionally unfinished stories, explains Varvara Sidorova. “Maybe to mourn, or maybe to thank, condemn or admire. Having learned about the past, we become calmer, more confident, these stories no longer eat up our strength.
Read more:
- Jealousy for a partner’s past
Bring back stability
The world we live in is much less regulated than it was 30-40 years ago. There are many opportunities before us, many options to choose from – for some, even too much. “The scourge of uncertainty is one of the main problems of modern man,” notes the narrative psychologist Olesya Simonova. “When there are too many options, we get lost, not knowing how to proceed.” Knowing family history, especially distant ones, can help you deal with this. “In the old days, the family gave answers to many questions,” continues Olesya Simonova. – Studying the history of the family, we remember the foundations, clear rules of life, and thereby regain some certainty. Of course, we are not talking about the return of the house-building, rather, about symbolic supports.”
“Even if relatives have long died, they still symbolically support us”
In the conversations of those who find out the history of the family, pride in their ancestors often sounds: “We were all hardworking, honest”, “My great-grandfather is a Cavalier of St. George”, “My great-grandmother graduated from the Higher Women’s Courses against the will of her father” … “I think that When studying family history, we unconsciously look for good objects for ourselves, – Maria Timofeeva reflects. “We need a good picture of ourselves, our family, our country.” In fact, of course, we add a lot in our imagination, and it’s not so important whether everything really happened, our experts say, because for us this picture is real, this is a story about us, about our identification. “It is always interesting to understand how I am embedded in this world, what I bring to the world, what kind of torch I took in this family relay race and which one I will pass on,” says Varvara Sidorova.
Read more:
- I live in the past
One of the basic needs of each of us is to know where I came from, to feel that there were many generations before me and there will be many more after. Why is that? “We are pack animals, and it is important for us to belong to a pack,” says Varvara Sidorova. “A flock is first and foremost a family. When we are surrounded by relatives (living or dead), we are not alone in this world, we have our clan. Even if relatives have died long ago, they still symbolically support us.”
There are already about 300 people in my tree, and there may be several times more. “The more extensive the family tree, the clearer we see ourselves,” explains Maria Timofeeva. “These tens, hundreds of people lived, loved, gave birth to children so that in the end I would be born! This way we find ourselves at the center of the family system, we have the opportunity to strengthen our personal myth. And it is very important for us: after all, not only every nation, but every person has its own mythology.”
Read more:
- Being orphaned in adulthood: how it changes us
Keepers of family knowledge
Although young people are also sometimes interested in the history of their family, more often they turn to searches after forty years. “According to the developmental theory of psychologist Eric Erikson, after forty comes the age of mentoring,” says Olesya Simonova. “Sufficient resources, knowledge, experience have already been accumulated, and there is a need to share this with others.” Indeed, most of those who are passionate about genealogy speak of a desire to communicate what they have learned to their children or grandchildren. But not only. “At first, I looked for distant relatives I didn’t know in different cities in the hope of getting information about the family past,” says 49-year-old Marina. “But now the main thing for me is that all those with whom I have common ancestors should know about them what I learned. I send out our tree, archival documents, old photographs to all ends and rejoice, seeing that my distant relatives are interested in this. And it’s also about mentoring. “The larger the system we cover, the more valuable we can convey,” comments Olesya Simonova. “So the custodian of family knowledge not only plays a significant role in the family system, he also solves the problems of social development.”
Yes, it’s nice to play a special role in the family, whatever you say. And finally, genealogy is a very gambling business. No wonder it is often compared to a detective investigation, only in the past. After all, secrets always attract us, especially if they concern our family. Having solved at least one riddle, you feel the exultation of the victor. And these strong emotions want to experience again and again.
1 For more information, see the website of the research company Romir romir.ru
2 The survey was conducted by the research company Romir in 2011, romir.ru