Contents
“I am an extrovert”, “I am a choleric”, “I am a graysexual”… It seems that an attempt to give a name to everything, to classify everything is a trend. But why do this to yourself? What gives us and what hinders the next name, with which we are trying to designate this or that manifestation of our “I”?
Consciousness determines being
Once upon a time, in my teens, I took a test published in some brochure — then we did not yet have the Internet. After counting the answers, I read that I am a typical extrovert. And for some time I lived with this “knowledge”.
I considered myself an extrovert, and besides, I got a somewhat distorted idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbwhat the term means. At the same time, I sincerely expected from myself a readiness to communicate a lot, hang out, love for public events.
The belief that I was an extrovert prevented me from hearing the signals that my psyche and nervous system were giving. I did not notice the discomfort that arose in noisy and crowded places. I went to concerts for the company, where the music turned into a deafening noise for me.
I spent more time with strangers, sometimes toxic people, than was dictated by, say, educational necessity. Ignored the fatigue from communication. It took time to learn self-regulation.
And at some point, while studying at the Gestalt Institute, I suddenly realized that I was more of an introvert drawing resources from the inner world than an extrovert. And my ability to communicate with people has nothing to do with it.
More, more categories
When reading a variety of near-psychological articles, one gets the impression that people are increasingly gravitating towards labels. Each feature of character, psyche, and especially sexuality acquires its own name. Somewhere, invisible bureaucrats seem to be sitting: they catch a variety of human preferences and states, pin it to a folder with a pin, describe it and stamp it with a seal.
There is a rule in psychiatry: not in all cases the patient is informed of his diagnosis. Why? Precisely because it is not always beneficial for a person to put one or another stamp on himself. In some cases, this interferes with therapy, affects the client’s sense of self.
«Thought spoken is a lie»
It seems that being different — wanting today and not wanting tomorrow, falling in love in a new way every time and showing interest in different types of people — is not interesting. This does not allow us to give ourselves a name, to rank one or another group.
But people are not static. People are contradictory. We can be evil and kind, greedy and generous, gloomy and benevolent. Even the division into types of characters, temperament and so on is hardly unambiguous.
A typical choleric person in certain situations can behave like a sanguine person. Introvert — be open. A lover of intellectuals — to inflame with passion for an attractive, but poorly educated girl, and so on.
The new ethics calls not to put a stigma on a person, but at the same time offers more and more divisions, categories, subspecies — and each has its own name. The great ones said that giving a name to feelings, putting them into words already means partly killing something special, subtle and deep that is hidden in them.
“A thought uttered is a lie,” Fyodor Tyutchev categorically formulated this idea. We will not judge so radically and call for silence. The ability to communicate and express your feelings in words helps both in everyday life and in working with a psychologist.
Thinking and speech are connected, and thanks to Vygotsky and other researchers, we know this too. But sometimes, perhaps, it is worth refraining from pinning to paper and classifying all shades of feelings and experiences — something that lives in constant motion and diversity. And allow yourself to be not a line from the list, but a separate book that does not belong to any of the genres.
Why do we need names?
But there is also a positive side to this issue. When we can give a name to something in ourselves, this makes it possible to feel at the same time our peculiarity and belonging to the community of others of the same kind. If in some cases the scope of the term limits our perception of ourselves and our capabilities, then in others it is exactly the opposite. Such is the paradox.
“I suffered from insomnia and anxiety, my mood was either bad or very bad, I often cried. And I convinced myself that it was just a blues and I thought of something for myself. My husband thought it was fatigue, so we’ll go on vacation in the summer — and everything will pass.
When I finally got to the doctor and she diagnosed me with depression, it was a huge relief. The title, written by a professional, seemed to confirm that it didn’t seem to me, my condition is really not normal, and I really need help,” says Olesya, 33 years old.
The words of my friend repeat what many people say when they find themselves in a similar situation. The diagnosis in this case gives certainty, shows the direction of treatment, draws perspectives (“yes, this is depression, but there are ways to cope with it” or “yes, rapid excitability is a feature of my nervous system, and I need to learn calming techniques”, etc. .)
It all depends on the situation, the person, the moment and the state. And if it is still important for you to attribute yourself to one category or another, do not turn it into a cage for your Self. Leave yourself the opportunity to be different, change and develop.