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Waiting for the first kiss is the most exciting moment of any romantic adventure. And what role does a kiss play in a serious relationship?
Recently, researchers at the University of Oxford studied the function of kissing in romantic relationships. Everything turned out to be surprisingly confusing. Scientists conducted a survey in which 308 men and 509 women aged 18 to 63 took part.
Participants in the study were asked how they perceive kissing at different stages of a romantic relationship. They were also asked to describe whether they prefer short-term and easy relationships or long-term and serious ones.
Participants were also asked to rate their own attractiveness. Analyzing the results, the scientists traced the relationship between differences in these criteria and attitudes towards kissing.
They concluded: kissing helps people evaluate potential partners, and then maintain relationships.
The seemingly obvious hypothesis that kissing causes sexual arousal and prepares partners for sexual intercourse was not confirmed during the study. According to study author Rafael Wlodarsky, this natural result is still not the main reason why people kiss.
Previous research has shown that at the beginning of a relationship, a romantic kiss helps two practically strangers enter each other’s space and exchange information — sensations, pheromones, even genetic data. This kiss resembles an interview: is this person suitable for the role of a sexual partner?
Is a kiss only important at the beginning of a relationship?
Some people subconsciously tend to choose a partner with compatible genes. The study showed that this is typical mainly for women, for those who consider themselves very attractive, and for those who prefer sex without commitment. And it is people from this group who believe that kissing is important only at the beginning of a relationship.
Scientists have found that people in this group are much more likely than others to change their mind about a potential partner after the first kiss. If the kiss is “not the same”, then you can forget about the partner.
Perhaps this is due to the fact that for such people, a kiss is the easiest and fastest way to «count» all the information about a partner, determine his «suitability» and unconsciously give the relationship a «green» — or «red» — light.
Also, respondents from this group felt that in a relationship without commitment, kissing is most important before sex. During sex they are less important, even less after it, and finally, they are of the least importance «at the rest of the time.»
Does kissing help maintain a relationship?
But there is another group of people. By other criteria — not by the degree of genetic compatibility — men subconsciously evaluate partners, those who do not consider themselves very sexually attractive, and those who are looking for a serious relationship.
In their search for a partner, they aim to identify those people who have the intentions and resources for a long-term relationship. And they place less importance on kissing in the early stages of a romance.
For those men and women who are interested in long-term relationships, kisses play a different role — they help maintain these relationships: “tune in” to a partner, improve emotional connection with him.
For them, kissing is equally important before sex and «at other times not related to sex», and the least important during sex.
Among those study participants who said they were in a monogamous relationship, it was the frequency of kissing, rather than intercourse, that corresponded to the level of satisfaction with this relationship.
“It is believed that sexual intercourse is the most intimate thing that can be between partners, and this is what binds people more and more to each other,” says Wlodarsky. “But that doesn’t have to be the case. Perhaps people are already happy in their relationship and are quite attached to each other.
He believes that in sexually satisfied couples, it is through kissing that people express their emotions, strengthening the bond with each other.
The science of happy couples
Evolutionary psychologist Justin R. Garcia, of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University (USA) and co-author of the book Evolution and Human Sexual Behavior, is confident that the study will make a valuable contribution to the «science of happy couples» — a growing field of study of factors that influence the formation of happy romantic and sexual relationships.
“So far, we know very little about this,” he says, “but we do know that physical contact and touch are very important for maintaining long-term relationships.”
Perhaps this is true not only for humans. Kissing-like behavior is known to occur in some animal species. Chimpanzees press against each other with their mouths. Parrots touch with their beaks. Elephants put their trunks in each other’s mouths and rotate them. “Biologists call these behaviors affiliative gestures,” says Dr. Garcia.