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A common everyday situation: we share some vivid impression with a partner or colleague, and the interlocutor suddenly interrupts us: “That’s it, but what happened to me! ..” This happens everywhere: at business conferences, at a family feast, in a friendly conversation … What is behind this behavior and how to turn the situation around? Our experts answer.
“We have different motives” Serena Rust, psychologist, coach.
We intercept the initiative in a conversation equally, but from different motives: men – to assert themselves, women – to strengthen the emotional connection with the interlocutor. In most cases, the victims are women: they are less likely to defend themselves, trying to be polite. Still, you can try to regain the right to vote. For example, continue talking, seizing a pause in the interlocutor’s monologue. Or clarify the topic of conversation: “I see that this problem worries you, let’s discuss it. But first, I want to tell my story.” To prevent your words from being perceived as criticism, try to focus on your feelings (use “I-statements”).”
“We are not ready to listen until we are heard ourselves” Alexander Orlov, psychotherapist.
Communication is a two-way process: in order to hear another person, you need to satisfy your own need to be heard. This is one of our basic needs, and if it is not realized, then it is impossible to listen to the other, you can only interrupt him explicitly or implicitly. We stopped the car at the edge of the forest, but we will not be able to enjoy the birdsong if we do not first turn off the audio system … How to do this? Find an accepting listener, someone who will be attentive to us, with whom you can talk heart to heart and speak out to the fullest. A friend, a casual travel companion, a lover, a teacher or a therapist… it doesn’t really matter. And so we ourselves become an active, accepting listener.