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Photos in the kitchen, in the bedroom and in the office: the past that is always with us. Why do we need such virtual support? The psychologist told us about her secrets.
How many photos do you have in the interior of the apartment? Count! And what do they show? Events from the past, two-month-old son who is already 17, ex-partner, friends who were fun. Look at the photos critically and ask yourself: what are they doing in your life? Do they help or hinder the achievement of goals, the realization of desires in the present?
A photograph is a captured moment or emotion. “They remind us of something important. Photos create the illusion that the moment captured in the photo is happening right now. Photos hung on the walls make us experience the emotions of the past in the present moment, they have sentimental value for us,” says cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist Irina Tyuryapina.
What photos and where do we store
The answer to this question depends on who or what is in the picture. Let’s take a closer look at the different photos together with the therapist and find out why we need them and how to deal with them.
1. Photo of the former or former
Expectations. Perhaps we hope that someday the partner will return. The image of a happy couple from the past haunts us, and it seems that the photo in the frame brings the meeting closer or creates the illusion of a relationship.
Reality. So we replace real relationships with fictitious ones, we believe in something that no longer exists and will not exist.
Solution. We send overdue photos of the former (th) to the firebox! The purpose of this photo is already in the past. But it would not hurt to free up space for new relationships and photos both in the head and in the bedroom.
2. Photo of a child in the first months of life
Expectations. We love to remember the time when the children were small and find it very touching.
Reality. Imagine that your son or daughter is bringing friends to visit, whether he/she is 10, 14 or 17, and there is a picture of him or her “with such an adorable ass” on the wall. How do you think he will feel?
Solution. From time to time, it is worth revising family photos, updating pictures in photo frames more often, let them be relevant.
3. Photo of a deceased relative
Expectations. Sometimes a house or room turns into a memorial for those who are gone. It seems to us that it is easier to survive the loss and always remember the person important to us.
Reality. Every day, looking at the photos, we “warm up” our own feelings and open wounds. Do we really need this? Or maybe it’s better to try other ways to help complete the grieving process. And photos can be reviewed by the whole family on the day of remembrance of the deceased.
Solution. If grief is lived through, at a certain moment, mental pain will change to bright sadness and memory, there will be an inner readiness to remove photos from the walls into an album. If this process drags on, consider if you are stuck in one of the stages of mourning. Pathological is grief experienced for more than 1-1,5 years and creating restrictions in real life, preventing you from living on and filling life with new relationships and meanings.
4. Workplace photo
Expectations. We expect photographs to clearly define our territory in a shared space. And placing portraits of loved ones on our desktop in the office is the case when expectations coincide with reality.
Reality. Pictures of loved ones evoke positive emotions in us, and also give us a reason for informal communication with colleagues, if we need it.
Solution. We can use photographs as a tool to help us build bridges in a team. But do not forget about their relevance: the workplace, like an office dress code, creates a corresponding impression about each of us.
Past present Future
When deciding which photographs we will leave on our desk or wall, ask ourselves if the image of the past overshadows the present, the therapist suggests. And he summarizes: “Any, even the happiest or most important memory will never become more valuable than living in the present moment.
Therefore, it is better to remove most of the photos from the walls in albums, let the viewing of pictures from the past become a special event, and not an everyday reality. And then in our life there will definitely be a place for an active present and future.