Why do we feel worse than we really are?

We perceive ourselves differently than those around us. I think it’s about stereotypes, prejudices and wrong attitudes that we learn throughout life. To counter them, remember a few patterns.

1. The less you see the real you, the more self-perception suffers.

Perhaps you almost never like yourself in photos and do not like it when people try to tag you on social networks. Think about it, you are unlikely to be as strict in evaluating the photos of another, even if you understand that he did not turn out too well. This means that those around you are more condescending to you than you are. This is the first.

Second. In psychology, there is such a thing as the “recognizability effect”. The more you see something, the more tolerant you become of it. You are accustomed to seeing yourself in the mirror, accustomed to a certain angle, but in photographs you look different. The image is unusual, and therefore it seems that in life you are worse than you used to think.

Social networks only exacerbate the situation: here you can choose what to share. And the more often you post photos taken from a “good” angle, the faster you forget what you really are, and the more upset you are when you see a “bad” shot.

Do not believe that this is the only reason? Try to look at your “bad” shots more often. Believe me, sooner or later you will get used to them, and they will stop annoying you. They might even become favorites. By the way, this is why the photographs in which we didn’t like ourselves in our youth now seem to be nothing, we just got used to them.

2. Smart, reflective people are more negatively biased.

This effect explains why we believe bad things about ourselves more than good ones, fixate on a critical remark if others praise us. Why do we deliberately exaggerate instead of believing that the situation will be resolved safely. The fact that you always doubt yourself, whether you are a worthy person and whether you are able to offer something to this world, suggests that you are better than you used to think. People who are not prone to reflection, such doubts are not characteristic.

3. Reaching the bar set by society is almost impossible.

A few decades ago, “successful” could be considered the one who had a place to live and what to eat. If at the same time it was possible to start and support a family, life was definitely a success.

But the world has changed. Today we are being forced into different standards of how our lives should be, and it is hardly possible to live up to them. You have to cook like a chef, dress like a fashion blogger, fit into the things you wore in college without any problems, be in the top 10% of employees and don’t forget to share photos of your travels and chronicles of ideal relationships with others.

If it weren’t for social media, you would at best compare yourself to those you encounter in real life and wouldn’t feel so lost.

4. We are taught that being “average” is bad, but this is absurd.

While most of us are average in intelligence or creativity, many of us consider ourselves, if not outstanding, at least above average. It is purely statistically impossible. You are most likely normal. You are quite attractive, but not distinguished by a model appearance, you earn, but you do not bathe in money, you cope with duties better than some colleagues, but not the best employee in the world.

And everything would be fine, but “average” today is perceived as an insult, as a synonym for “nothing unique”. In fact, you can be average, but at the same time the one and only, yourself. The fact that you are average does not negate your features, strengths and weaknesses, what makes you you.

5. In the digital age, we feel like we’re in the spotlight.

We think about ourselves more and more often than anyone else, we evaluate life according to criteria that others would hardly use. It seems to us that everyone understands how imperfect we are, but the majority thinks only of themselves, like us. This is called the “spotlight effect” and is caused by social media. Mistakenly believing that everyone with whom life meets is thinking about us, we begin to act as if we are celebrities under the guns of cameras, but we are not.

6. The way we see others is often a projection of our perception of ourselves.

It is not easy to agree with this, but it must be understood: we do not know and probably will never know for sure what others think of us and our lives. We can only guess. Self-esteem is largely based on guesses about how others see us. With that in mind, remember that guesswork is only a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

Source: medium.com