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Sex, like everything else in life, does not always meet our expectations. After making love, we experience joy, happiness and unity with a partner, but in some cases we are overcome by longing and frustration. Why do these unpleasant emotions arise? Here are 3 possible reasons.
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1. Sex disappointed you
And this, of course, is the simplest and most obvious reason. And at the same time, he does not have to be “bad” at all. Perhaps you were just not ready for intimacy or expected more from her.
“It is important that both partners can open up to each other and not be afraid of insecurity. They must be ready to give themselves and their energy to another. When this does not happen, disappointment inevitably arises, ”explains Swedish psychotherapist and sexologist Lei Noren.
Sex does not live up to your expectations, for example, when you do not experience strong desire and arousal. The culprits for this may be low libido, monotony in intimate life, problems in communication with a partner and difficulties with sexual function.
Sex is constantly discussed, argued about, “rules” are made up for it, so we are all subject to the influence of stereotypes. Many people have clear ideas about what sex should be like, what it should feel like, and what the “normal” dynamics of sex life should be like in a long-term relationship. We feel like we should be on fire 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and we get frustrated when we’re not.
“If your sex now looks more like fast food than gourmet dishes from an expensive restaurant, don’t be discouraged: from time to time this happens in all couples, regardless of the quality of your relationship,” recalls Lei Noren.
It is important to accept that intimacy cannot be amazing and stunning every time. And ordinary, unremarkable sex does not mean that there are any problems in your relationship.
2. You are prone to postcoital dysphoria
“If sex gives you great pleasure, but after it you still experience irritability, anxiety and frustration, it may be postcoital dysphoria,” explains Lei Noren. People affected by it often feel unhappy, sad and irritated even after great sex. They cry, their mood deteriorates, and this process cannot be controlled.
This disorder is still little studied by science, and its causes are not exactly known. Nevertheless, it is quite real: according to studies, about 4% of men and 2% of women suffer from it. Often it occurs against the background of psychological disorders – anxiety and depression.
“If unpleasant experiences regularly occur after sexual intercourse and this causes severe discomfort, it may be worth consulting with a sexologist,” Noren says.
3. At this point, you are emotionally defenseless.
Sometimes after sex, you can be both happy and sad at the same time. And there are reasons for this too. This happens if sex in your relationship has become a “rare guest.” In some couples, after a long life together, sexuality ceases to be a source of joy and turns into a means of manipulation.
“I heard a variety of stories from clients: one of the partners “punished” the other by refusing to have sex, or vice versa, “rewarded” him for fulfilling his requirements,” says Lei Noren. If such methods of manipulation are adopted in your couple, it is quite natural that one of the partners will feel a catch, even if he finally received the long-awaited caress.
“In other cases, sex life comes to naught simply due to a decrease in libido in one or both partners,” says Lei Noren. And when we get our portion of tenderness and passion after a “long diet”, we are sad, because we know that the next time will have to wait a very long time.
And at the same time, at the moment when, after many months or even years without sex, intimacy finally happens between you, long-forgotten feelings and experiences wake up inside you. You feel your sexuality again, and this gives you confidence and self-esteem. “You are reconnecting with your partner—and with yourself! You restore the lost connection between the soul and the body, and this gives you joy and energy. It is not surprising that such an experience causes strong emotional experiences, ”explains Lei Noren.
Sex can become a source of all sorts of feelings for us. Taking off clothes in the twilight of the bedroom, we at the same time expose our soul to our partner. And if you feel sad after sex, it may not really mean that it was bad. Rather, it signals your secret experiences and hopes.