Many situations in our everyday life lead us to bewilderment. Every month our experts help to understand one of them. This time, the systemic family therapist drove through the city streets driving her car.
“I have been driving for over 20 years. When I started driving, it was a mixture of horror and delight. It was scary that I would lose control, I would fly away somewhere, they would beat my car or I would hit someone. And I was delighted that I was sitting and moving at the same time, easily managing this colossus … Then an addiction appeared: I drive a car always and everywhere. It protects me from the weather, from the crowd, from the need to carry heavy things. I can listen to the music I like, and in general I feel good in the car …
We drive the way we live. If on the street, in transport, we are ready to let pass, attentive and precautionary, we will behave the same way on the road. I, for example, leave a fairly large distance in front of me, and it is easy to cut me. I try to let others pass, I see people (cars) on the right and left. And in order to suddenly start behaving aggressively, I need to somehow specifically agree with myself – this happens when I am in too much of a hurry.
During the movement, the driver and the car become one, and it turns out that the car is me, and other cars are other people. And on the road between these “centaurs” – man-machines – there is constant communication. In the stream, cars obey the laws of the crowd. A very dense stream (without standing traffic jams) is the realm of stress. “Wolf” laws begin to operate there. The bigger the car, the bolder it is. Cut – you will be punished. If someone drives slower than the flow, he is an idiot, everyone despises him and popularly explains this to him … As in the crowd, in the flow we become angry and aggressive. Few people manage to maintain dignity and behave correctly – usually those who drive very well, professionals who have learned not to identify themselves with the crowd, like surgeons who know how not to die with each of their patients.
Another thing is when everything has stopped – due to road repairs, an accident or blocking the passage for high-ranking officials. Drivers in these situations become more solidary, because they have a common external enemy. Cars begin to move through one, let through those who have to wedge themselves into the stream, respond to requests, signals. That is, we try to act honorably, like people who respect other people.”
loneliness syndrome.
“It can be difficult for beginners to be alone with the road. My husband traveled with me first. When he could not, I planted the dog. That made it easier for me.”
Hooligans driving.
“There is an opinion that a woman behind the wheel is a disaster. In my opinion, hooligans are much more dangerous behind the wheel. I regularly see people with iPads reading or writing, talking without hands-free, typing messages, having races… That’s what’s terrible, that’s what needs to be punished.”
Say thanks.
“It is natural for Europeans to thank and negotiate: they have always been forced to do this, they have a small territory in which to get along. And the Russians have never had this: they didn’t like something – they took it and moved, there is a lot of land. This feature in the minds has been preserved with us. Although thanking, blinking emergency lights, raising your hand – all these are wonderful signs of attention. I had an idea to make a running line on the rear window that would calm everyone down, like “dear fellow travelers …”
ANNA VARGA, board member of the Society of Family Counselors and Psychotherapists.