Contents
A different home, a new family, an exciting job, or at least a vacation for a few months… We all think about it in one way or another. What is it, a fantasy that allows us to endure a life that no longer suits us, or a genuine desire?
Quit your office to become a yoga teacher; open a retreat or ecological farm in the village; buy a motorhome and drive off somewhere for one season to see how life is in distant lands … Who at least sometimes does not dream of making a sharp turn, beyond which freedom, satisfaction, a feeling of flight await us … And why not, in Eventually?
Is this something unrealistic? The majority of Russians (69%) believe that they can change their lives for the better by their own efforts. But for some reason, most often we do nothing, but simply wait for changes that will happen by themselves. The economic crisis could be a reason to choose a different way of life, but in reality, not everyone is ready for this.
Who are we, dreamers or projects in development?
Is the desire for change just words? What is the point of fantasies if they are not followed by action? That is precisely the point: in widespread, if not universal, fantasies.
“We humans are, by nature, beings in development who are always making plans,” notes philosopher Michel Lacroix. “Because we are never completely equal to ourselves.” Our desire is constantly striving towards new objects.
Jean-Paul Sartre said that a person is defined not by what he is, but by what he is not. And Michel Lacroix argues that “strive for the new is a characteristic feature of our time,” although this desire does not always lead to a decisive break with the past.
The ontological desire for change takes different forms depending on the era. After the student revolution of 1968 in France, “we are imbued with this conviction that the culture of personal development brings with it: you need to change yourself to change the world.”
Today, at the top of the pyramid of human needs is not the possession of a Ferrari, but the possession of a garden.
The current crisis adds urgency to this task: for many, change is no longer a utopia, it is becoming a necessity. Unemployment, burnout, difficulties in doing business are pushing us to learn new professions or to emigrate.
And environmental threats make it clear to everyone: “You have to change your life.” Or, more precisely, “act in such a way that the consequences of your actions are compatible with the continuation of life on Earth,” insists the German philosopher Peter Sloterdijk.
“Most change projects today are about saving the world,” agrees Michel Lacroix. Return to the earth, alternative medicine, solidarity for common goals…
“Change also changes,” he says. “We used to be guided by individualistic values — the desire for personal growth, for excellence — but today we are more responsive to the values of altruism: we want our behavior and our choices to make the world a better place.”
It seems that today at the top of the pyramid of human needs is not the possession of a Ferrari car or a Rolex watch, but the possession of a garden!
Call of another life
The desire for change seizes us even before it is embodied in any specific project. Change, writes the English psychotherapist Vincent Diary, proclaims itself as “the message of another world.” It may begin with “a distant noise, a sound outside of our familiar world.”
The midlife crisis amplifies this effect. Carl Gustav Jung said that we spend half our lives climbing ladders and the other half realizing we’ve put them against the wrong wall.
Sometimes it’s all about the accumulated feeling that living the way I live is unbearable, psychotherapist Marina Khazanova reflects. Overwhelmed by anger, we can make impulsive radical decisions, figuratively speaking, we slam the door, abruptly break with the past.
“In this case, we do not lead these changes, but, on the contrary, they carry us,” the psychotherapist emphasizes. Another option is when we accept ourselves and our life, but at the same time there is a feeling that some part of it is no longer so interesting to us, has ceased to bring satisfaction and pleasure.
“We do not waste our resources on impulsive defensive reactions, we have the opportunity to listen to ourselves, understand and feel what we want,” says Marina Khazanova. “And then we are ready for meaningful and not so painful changes for us.”
How to proceed? Where to go? This is the beginning of a journey that will perhaps become the odyssey of our lives. Fog in front of the island to which we are sailing.
The price of change
But we may not want to listen to the metamorphosis that is taking place in us. After all, change is scary. Whatever the survey data says, few people want to turn their lives upside down.
We are creatures of habit, bound to the paths we have trodden and define us, even if we prefer to imagine ourselves as adventurers. Change is laborious and dangerous. To leave a job, a life partner, a place where we have put down roots, even for the sake of paradise – how can you imagine that this could be done easily and without regrets?
Therefore, when a sharp turn looms ahead, there is a powerful and fierce resistance. What makes us slow down?
“We will have to decide for ourselves whether the price to be paid for the changes is not too high,” notes Marina Khazanova. What will we have to give up for them? What if change requires too much effort from us? Or maybe we do not feel enough resources, confidence, do not feel worthy to be in this new situation?
Desires and reality
If we get too hung up on possible risks and future losses, it is worth testing ourselves by turning to what beckons us. Here we are after the change, in a new place, in new circumstances. Have we become happier? Perhaps if we try to visualize this new life, a burning desire to “pack our bags” will come over us.
The most important question, according to Michel Lacroix, is “Do I want this?”, Not “Am I capable of this?”. Marina Khazanova adds another question to this: “Is this correct?” – and explains: “It is not about correctness in terms of generally accepted ideas, but about our inner feeling that is right, honest, fair. Just for me, not for everyone. In other words, it means that by changing my life, I will be ready to take responsibility for the consequences of my decision.”
When we clarify our desire, it will allow us to notice that certain steps lead to its realization, and the future will become less frightening. Goals and objectives seem more real – perhaps it’s not so much about leaving or staying, but about how to become who we are, here or there. And how?
Perhaps here and now I can do something so that my children, my partner, my colleagues live better.
“Like many, I was obsessed with the idea of self-realization,” says Michel Lacroix. “But I changed my mind. Because if we do not have passion, then the potential remains rather vague. If I don’t recognize it, if I don’t think that I have it great, then what else is left for me but depression?
Hence the new idea: “Get away from the idea of change as an escape or sublimation.” Perhaps, here and now, I can do something so that my children, my partner, my colleagues live better? How to add to their life, and to mine too, dreams, hopes, movement instead of inertia?
There is a set of small changes – talking more to each other, being more attentive – that are not very noticeable, but have the ability to change our lives more than moving to distant lands. The philosopher sums up: “They say the devil is in the details. But you can also find angels there.”