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Why do we cut our hair after a breakup?
Psychology
Starting a new stage of life makes us tend to change our physical appearance to make a clean slate
If Samson lost his strength when his long hair was cut, there are those who cut his hair in search of recovering it. It is not strange to see how someone, after a love breakup, or overcoming a bump in their life, runs to the hairdresser and performs a drastic change of Jimi Hendrix . “New hair, new life,” you might say. We have seen it on the screens – that famous haircut of «Felicity» -, in popular culture, and even on social networks: the hashtag #breakuphair (#PeloDeRuptura) shows thousands of haircuts that are created with the aim of start a new stage.
A breakup has a profound emotional impact, even more so when it is unexpected or unwanted. Explain
psychologist Ángel Luis Guillén Torregrosa, director of the Psicopartner Center, that studies have shown that a love breakup is one of the most painful processes that a person can suffer, since this activates the same region of the brain as when we have physical pain; we really suffer emotional pain. “It is a traumatic event that involves mourning for the expectations that are not going to be fulfilled, for the dreams that are left behind and for a loss of that life in common,” he points out.
Close a stage
Therefore, when we have a breakup, we tend to try to put a point and part in our life. And here the change of appearance comes into play. The psychologist Cristina Aristimuño de las Heras, from the TAP Center, comments that this “typical” haircut can be motivated by two causes. First, it may ‘be about a symbolic act that marks the closing of a stage, and that therefore allows the differentiation of a before and an after in our life “. Likewise, the professional points out that, having passed or are going through an emotionally intense moment,” there are those who decide to pay special attention to their physical appearance, understanding it as a gesture of self-care, in which we prioritize ourselves ».
In general, the psychologist Guillén Torregrosa explains that changes in physical appearance after a break up are “a symbolic way of leaving the past behind; show a new way of being and how we want them to see us. Therefore, we are talking about reinforcing our damaged self-image and building a new one that helps us overcome grief.
Our exterior image is a vehicle of expression. Therefore, many times our style reflects how we feel. In the case of a breakup, Ángel Luis Guillén Torregrosa points out that, in couple relationships, a definition of oneself is produced with a certain image. These drastic changes are a way of show that the page has been turned and that there has been a change in the person: he is no longer the same person, now he appears renewed and ready to do different things, “explains the psychologist.
The aesthetic change
Cristina Aristimuño de las Heras warns that we must be cautious with the relationship between an aesthetic change and an emotional change, since “it is unlikely that an aesthetic change, by itself, generates a significant internal change.” «An external modification can be a help, a push, but in no case should it replace the psychological work that we need to develop when going through a painful life event, like a break, “he says.
It is important to understand that a haircut does not resolve the emotional conflict that a breakup entails. “A change in appearance will not prevent the grieving process from taking place,” says the psychologist at the Psicopartner Center. For this reason, he says that a change in style does not have to be an excuse for not facing the conflict, but that the search for these physical changes is carried out as a way to feel better both physically and emotionally.
What happens to those who never change their look?
Although haircuts after a breakup are more than common, there are people who, in general, do not change their appearance much, no matter what happens in their lives. This occurs because, although on many occasions humans unconsciously repeat behavior patterns, we are also radically different from each other.
“These different attitudes can depend on a multitude of factors, such as the importance we attach to aesthetics or the level of satisfaction we have with our physical appearance,” says Cristina Aristimuño de las Heras, a psychologist at the TAP Center. It says that, in order to understand the different behaviors, we can draw an axis. «On one side, there would be the openness to experience, that is, the interest in trying new experiences. At the opposite pole, there is the tendency to stay in the well-known comfort zone. Depending on where we are on that axis, we can experience a change of look in a different way, “he says. For this reason, there are people who interpret a change of look as something stimulating, novel and motivating, while others may experience it as a risk or threat.
When we go through a duel, not only can we choose to change our appearance, we also make decisions that we have been putting off for a long time, such as taking trips, joining the gym or finally learning to play the guitar. As the psychologist Aristimuño de las Heras explains, all these actions – both aesthetic and non-aesthetic – can have two different functions. The first would be the facilitation of the grieving process. “What we do may symbolize the end of a stage, or even allow us to remember the learnings of a stage in our life that we conclude. At all times we will be aware of what has happened, and this fact will help us to accept that fact, “he explains.
On the other hand, there are the actions born of avoidance. These are the ones that paralyze the process of making the duel, since they prevent us from coming into contact with what has happened and with our new reality. “Probably in the short term we will feel good, but in the medium and long term it will not be helpful, since the situation will continue the same as when we left it and we will be forced to face what we have been letting go of for a long time”, concludes the professional.