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As hard as it is to admit, not everyone we like is ready to reciprocate our feelings. But for some reason, some women again and again fall into the trap of unrequited love. Their entire personal life is built on this pattern. Why is this happening and what to do about it?
Here are some of the main reasons why women aggressively seek the attention of men who clearly do not have reciprocal feelings for them.
1. They wishful thinking
Such women constantly fall into the trap of projection — erroneous ideas about what the other person thinks and feels. In fairy tales, this was often symbolically displayed in the form of magic, which made it possible to awaken true love in someone.
“Projection effects are stronger if we admire the object of our love from afar. At the same time, we do not notice the shortcomings of this person, which would be obvious if we lived with him and talked every day, ”explains family therapist Marni Fjurman.
2. Unconsciously, they like drama and emotion.
“Some people like the “chase” for “prey” itself. She is so intoxicating that such women prefer the pain of unrequited love, because they are not ready to make the sacrifices that are required in a real relationship. Fantasy becomes more important to them than reality,” Fjurman explains.
What will happen if a woman manages to win the love of this particular man? You will have to descend from heaven to earth and face reality with all its banality and routine.
That is why some people are attracted to unrequited love. While dragging out the “chase” phase, they continue to soar in the clouds, getting a kind of “romantic high”. All this causes strong emotions, diluting the boredom of everyday life.
3. Proximity scares them
“Some women avoid true love, trying to protect themselves from heartache in this way,” explains Marni Fuhrman. By seeking the love of a man who does not reciprocate for them, they receive strong emotions from a passionate feeling of falling in love, while avoiding any real obligations.
In this way, they compromise with themselves, partially satisfying their need for intimacy, while not running the risk of a man hurting their feelings.
4. They live in the past and are not ready to move forward.
“Often the fear of love is caused by past painful experiences of failure and disappointment. Often it is about experienced sexual or emotional abuse. Sometimes the reason may be in congenital hypersensitivity,” explains Marni Fuhrman.
In such situations, unrequited love can seem in its own way an attractive option, allowing you to taste passion without being consumed by it. Such women constantly warm up their desires, not allowing themselves to satisfy them.
“If you are trying to win over a person who clearly does not have reciprocal feelings, I strongly recommend that you do not waste your time on him,” advises Marni Fuhrman. — Relationships can only develop when two people have similar feelings for each other. No matter how hard it is, it is very important to understand yourself and understand what is preventing you from finding your love.
Yes, you have to take risks and be vulnerable. But a relationship with a partner who truly loves you, who is emotionally open, and who you can rely on is worth all the effort.
About the Author: Marnie Fuhrman is a family therapist.