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Among your acquaintances, there are probably people who always strive to be in the spotlight and try to translate any conversation into their own person. They are not ready to listen to you, but they can talk about themselves for hours. What is it? Narcissism? Egocentrism? Vanity? Not so simple.
Did the title of this article remind you of one of your friends and acquaintances? Or maybe several at once? It’s not that you have some specific environment — it’s just that this problem has become more and more common lately.
One of the reasons is the popularity of social networks, in which it is customary to measure success and emphasize one’s individuality in every possible way. Many transfer the virtual style of self-promotion into ordinary communication. But according to psychologist Saverio Tomasella, this reason is far from the only one.
Problems of education
People who talk only about themselves are the easiest to suspect of egocentrism. However, most often this behavior occurs unconsciously. This way of communication seems to them the only correct and possible one.
Its origins lie in childhood, when parents convinced the child every day that he was better, smarter, more beautiful and more interesting than others. Of course, parents do this out of good intentions, wanting to raise their children as leaders or just people without complexes. As a result, such children very quickly learn to reduce any conversation to their problems and desires, and then they cannot reorganize.
Escape from emotions
Some people are simply not capable of empathy: they do not know how or do not want to empathize. Therefore, every time you try to devote them to your problems, consult or just pour out your soul, they turn the conversation on themselves.
This technique is not a manifestation of selfishness, as it might seem. This is a way to protect yourself from emotions, to interrupt an unpleasant conversation.
The manner of talking about your life all the time, without listening to others, suggests that a person has broken contact with himself and with others. A person is so absorbed in his own feelings, desires or fears that he loses touch with the real world and does not take into account the interests of others.
Salvation from loneliness
Another reason for this behavior is the fear of being alone with your feelings. The fear of loneliness makes a person constantly remind others of himself. This helps him to isolate himself from the obvious truth: each of us is alone anyway.
An overly frank interlocutor seems to be trying to merge with another person, perceiving him as his continuation. Therefore, there is no symbolic distance in his communication.
Difficult childhood
Very often, children from dysfunctional families turn out to be too frank and talkative. If a child grows up in constant fear and lacks the love or attention of parents, he does not form a psychological space of personality with an area of mystery. In addition, adults simply could not teach the child silence or modesty.
Wanting to hide the real you
Love for theatrical gestures, simulated monologues and other public appearances that allow you to attract attention, psychotherapists explain personality disorder.
The unconscious purpose of such antics is to impress and hide your true self. Shocking statements and radical views serve as a smokescreen to hide vulnerabilities. At the same time, often behind such a mask is an alarming question: “Do I deserve love and respect?”
Striving for recognition
People who sincerely consider themselves experts on all sorts of issues crave recognition. And they only talk about themselves. This is a kind of attempt to assert itself and raise self-esteem.
Such people like it when they turn to them for advice and listen to their recommendations: you accidentally mentioned that you were going on vacation to Italy, and the interlocutor already tells how he rested there several years ago, advises the hotel and tells in detail about his experience.
Lack of attention
Sometimes self-obsession indicates that a person lacks attention. This is easiest to see in the example of older people who «boost» young people with stories from their lives. If your elderly relative talks a lot about himself, just try to give him more time.
Desire to fill the void
Let’s not deny the obvious: talking about yourself is simple and pleasant. Each of us knows this “topic” best of all and can talk about it for hours. Perhaps the interlocutor decided to tell about himself, because he does not know what else to talk about with you, and it seems inappropriate for him to remain silent in this situation.