To give birth or not to give birth? There is nothing Hamlet’s in this question. But sometimes it is very interesting to formulate, even for yourself, why you so want a baby to be born.
At one classic women’s forum, where they usually discuss breastfeeding, the behavior of grandmothers and husbands, describe their own childbirth, an unusual question suddenly appeared. “What is the meaning of having children? For what? I don’t mean anything bad. I myself am the mother of a beautiful daughter, 2,5 years old. But I read how everyone wants to get pregnant, how hard it is, and now the question is ripe: what is the point for you personally? “
The answers were very different. Some absolutely sincerely do not understand why having children at all: this is too hopeless an investment of resources. “I have a medical problem. I thought I was pregnant. It turned out not. And that made me happy, – says one of the girls. – After all, a child is a very difficult long-term project, which is not a fact that it will bring you something. Am I ready to spend a bunch of resources and my whole life just like that? No”.
Others believe that having children can revive extinct feelings: “It’s just that the relationship comes to a standstill, they have to develop. They gave love to each other, now I want to embody this love, to give it to a child. “
After reading dozens of pages of comments, we found the least selfish reasons for having babies. They are the most beautiful.
“When a child is born, you no longer belong to yourself. You understand that these tiny hands hold your heart very tightly and from this day on, only in these eyes will you see your real yourself. And there is nothing more important to you than a child. “
“Give a new life, try to make this life better and more successful. And yet, in difficult moments, a smile, a hug, a kind word from your child makes you wake up in the morning and go to a new day. “
“It’s instinct. The instinct to continue oneself. Something like eternal life. There are many reasons to give birth to a child. We think that they are correct, good, but at the heart of everything is an instinct inherent in nature. Then, after the birth of the first one, you already begin to really love – this particular little (for now) person. And this feeling can be limitless. If everything worked out, then you can then want a second, third, fourth, to repeat what was positive, kind, light. “
“Except for all wshi-pusi, love, worries and worries – in eternity. Religion gives us a hypothetical understanding of eternal life – with heaven, hell and other attributes. And in a child, your very real, tangible eternity, which you can hold in your hands, is your DNA, passed on to centuries. “
“I always remember the feelings that I had for my mother in childhood … Blind huge love. Wanna Love and be loved. In this case, no questions about reciprocity. I want to see the burning eyes of my own child. I want to continue myself and my husband. “
“Everyone has the same meaning. So that there was someone to live for. To truly love and be loved, not to be lonely, to give all of oneself to the dearest ones. And who can be dearer than their children? A child is someone who loves you just like that, because you are. Fat, scary, sleepy, nervous, but still very beloved and dear in the eyes of her child. Children will never betray or leave. Well, at least in my family that’s how it is. Children give unearthly happiness, endless joy and pride for them. I’m not saying that you need to go headlong into motherhood and go nuts, no, just not to lose your head and love your children. What other sense could there be? “
“I’ll write on my own behalf: I didn’t give birth to the first one, I lost it. I suffered wildly, because from childhood I dreamed that I would certainly give birth to my daughter Evochka (I did not give birth, unfortunately), but now I dream of Alice. Although the boy will be glad. There is a lot of love in the heart, the cat and her husband fell in love, made amends, but I want to kiss the legs, collect autumn leaves with our baby, and much more. Just think how nice it is to give another creature a whole century, and maybe more! Isn’t that cool? If God gives me the opportunity to give another little man life, I will be so grateful! After all, it is not we who choose – we are chosen. Someone now wildly wants to go to Miami, someone wildly wants to give birth to a girl and buy her a red dress with polka dots ”.
“I’m 35 years old. I was married for 11 years, regularly hung on childfree sites and also argued with foam at my mouth why children were needed. I just hated them. Then I got divorced, met another man, and now I don’t care about such questions. I want to have children with this man. I don’t know why, but I want to … Strange, right? “
“I gave birth to a child when I wanted to discover an incomprehensible side of life – motherhood. When my daughter was very young, it was hard. All this running around the screaming lump was exhausting. But when she grew up, everything changed. It became interesting to me to observe how her personality is formed. And take part in this. Well, I also love to braid pigtails and bows. My daughter taught me a lot too. Before, I was terrified of skating, but my daughter is engaged in figure skating, and I had to go to the rink. In general, motherhood is interesting and informative for me. “
“But why not – simply because you cannot imagine your future life without them. No matter how much hassle (and garbage) they may have. From cats and dogs – one damage! But they love them for something. “
“There are, in fact, two obvious answers. If a person does not want children, then he does not need them, if he wants, then he does. It’s just an inner desire to mess with this particular person. And, to be honest, I am convinced that there is no need to give birth to children “through I don’t want to”. This is not the case. I have two. I love them, and in general they are cool. Although, of course, it can be difficult: the youngest is now seriously ill, and this is exhausting. But I still like it with children more than without children. So for me this question is simply not worth it. “
“Because since nature has given me such an opportunity (or maybe not, it is not yet known), I would like to use it. More than 50% of the world’s population cannot experience this. At least men are not given. I want to get an incomparable life experience, to enrich myself with it. It’s like knowing that I can run a marathon, and run it, only better. How to reveal your talent and create something unique? Surpass yourself. “
“Children should be born out of excess – strength, resources, experience – and from a steady need to share all this. And not from a lack of something, not to fill some emptiness. And this is their difference from cats and dogs, which give a person much more than they themselves require from him. “
“Looking back, I feel something selfish in this: it was incredibly amazing and cool for me to feel that I, out of almost nothing, from two tiny cells, make a new person inside myself, a new separate world. Creator, yeah. And then it is no less surprising to see this new individual person, to recognize in him for a moment oneself, or a husband, or a grandmother, to see something completely different and new, which has never existed before. To see how a person grows and changes, and you, on the one hand, influence a lot, and on the other, only on where it develops, because he turned out the way he is, just such a combination of genes has developed in him. You can love a child with unconditional love as much as you like, without fear of spoiling him with this. You just need to remember that he is a separate person. “
“I used to look at how people eat moldy cheese, and I could not understand why they do it? It looks disgusting, smells disgusting, and I don’t even want to taste it … Now I love it, and it tastes good to me. I didn’t love children and didn’t want to, but I like my own. Although as a mother I am very far from my ideals and even from my mother (she turned out to be a super-grandmother). I don’t consider this experience necessary. So is the experience of sex. But both have enriched my life. I do not think that the desire to have children is some kind of guarantee of happiness, and the unwillingness to have them is a misfortune for a woman. The presence or absence of children cannot be the result of a whole life, because this is a process, a part of this life, nothing more. Therefore, I consider it shortsighted, even somewhat harmful, to adjust or even rebuild my whole life for children. But to start when everything inside says ‘no, not now / never’ is also from the category of superfluous feats. “
“I believe that a woman must necessarily give birth to a child, since something that happens in the process of gestation, birth, and subsequent upbringing is an incomparable experience. Such a powerful restructuring of the body is taking place. Rethinking everything. Reboot. I had no strong desire to have children. I even postponed this moment until it was pinned, as they say. For medical reasons, the doctors said categorically to give birth as soon as possible. I interpreted this situation as a sign: stop pulling. Well, then I had to go through all these stages of initiation. I do not regret. Yes, children are hard. But I just can’t understand those who deliberately refuse it. I associate such refusals with infantilism, unwillingness to grow up and take on adult (truly adult) obligations. “
“I can say that the hugs of a beloved child, when he presses against you, is such a mind-blowing feeling of happiness … It is about the same strength as from the hugs of a beloved man at the peak of a relationship, only a little different in sensations. The little man snuggles up to you and hugs you very, tightly and says how much he loves you. That is, this is a loved one, and one who will be with you all your life. If nothing is spoiled, of course. “
“I am far from being an ideal mother who cannot live without children. And one child was enough for me. While the son was growing up, everything happened. From a state of complete euphoria to thoughts “I shouldn’t have gotten myself into this!” Most of all, I was strained by the need to be torn between him and what I loved. I am ashamed to admit, but the greatest return from the project “child”, if you still consider it a project, for me were the grandchildren. I will not say that I dreamed about them very much, but now I love them more than my son.
These two gnomes, who trust you unconditionally, seek your protection when they are scared, follow your tail, clumsily try to help, admire your terrible singing or clumsy drawings. For some reason, I experience all these little parental joys with grandchildren much more acutely. And when I look at them, there is a feeling that everything was not in vain. It was not for nothing that I raised my son, it was not for nothing that I built a house, it was not for nothing that I studied and worked. If I had no children, most likely, I would have decided on a second higher education, I would have achieved more in the profession, I would have traveled more often, I would have learned more. But these are all investments in one person. And so, here they are, my three most beloved people to whom I gave life. “
“Oh my God, this is the question! How for what? For fun. Whether you like it or not, you have the desire to continue yourself in “biological eternity” just as you have a body. But no one taught you how to do it with a high. By the way, I have two of my own and I would like three more. I come home from work, and they are hanging on the chandelier, they painted the wall with toothpaste, washed the cat, cut my flowers, cool. “