Contents
There are as many reasons for cheating as there are stars in the sky. Each couple will have their own story. “All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” — the words of the classic fit our topic perfectly. What pushes us to look for intimacy on the side? And can it be prevented?
We all want a long and happy relationship, to a lifetime hand in hand. We expect honesty and devotion, we take an oath of allegiance: «both in wealth and in poverty.» But then something happens, and … it happens that everything falls apart. One of the most common causes of relationship failure is infidelity. Cheating is like a little death. After all, the relationship will never be the same.
Change can be one-time, spontaneous. It may happen once, or it may take years. It happens that she comes at a time of crisis, and sometimes breaks into a strong and stable family. It may not concern relationships, but be an addiction that you want to get rid of. It can be explained in different ways. How is it done most often?
It always tastes better on someone else’s plate
Marina was not sure that she had met the man of her life. She loved Oleg, but treated him like an «alternate airfield». Periodically checked: would it be better for her with other men? Oleg loved Marina so much that he would not have believed his eyes, even if he had “caught” the traitor.
Such betrayals «for testing» occur without any explosive emotions, thrills. A partner may not realize that a loved one is unfaithful. However, if the secret becomes clear, trust will be fundamentally undermined. The injured party can get stuck in this stress for a long time and constantly think: what if this was not the first and not the last time?
«For good health»
Vyacheslav loved his wife very much, valued her and children. He organized the life of his family so that no one needed anything. Understanding and love reigned in the house.
But sometimes, about once every three or four months, Vyacheslav needed to «let off steam.» He easily found a woman on the side. Two or three non-binding meetings — and Vyacheslav is again an ideal family man.
Such betrayals are allegedly aimed at preserving the relationship. Yes, yes, it happens too, can you imagine?
Perhaps in a couple, someone feels like an incomplete partner, whose outburst of emotions will not be understood (or even condemned). Or maybe in the sexual life of such a union there is not enough satisfaction and emancipation.
Add pepper
Sergei is bored. A good family, a mistress wife, calm children. Live and rejoice! Yes, but sometimes there is a desire to shake things up, to add emotions, changes to life.
And he found a way out: communication «on the side.» In this case, Sergey gets a novelty of sensations, intrigue — something that is missing in ordinary life.
A quiet life is not always a blessing. Some lack impressions, events. In such situations, it may seem that betrayal will just “decorate” the monotony of life.
Actually you can’t, but you can
Christina is a young mother. She had her first long-awaited child. She is so touched by these little cheeks, heels. And he can endlessly look at tiny toes on legs. And those folds…
One day reality burst into her world. For some reason, she got into her husband’s phone, and at that very moment a message came: “Darling, I’m waiting, I’m all on fire …” Christina didn’t read further — she threw the phone away. Really?
Some men will say, yes, cheating is not good. But in principle, it is possible if the wife is sick or very tired while caring for a small child.
Lack of communication is one of the reasons for cheating
Yes, you swore allegiance to each other at the dawn of the relationship. But over time, life makes its own adjustments. This means that from time to time it is worth sitting down at the negotiating table and finding out if the previously adopted agreements have not changed.
Consequences of betrayal
First of all, I will note the physiological consequences. There can be two options: either the partner, having learned about the betrayal, falls into a stupor. His psyche seems to be protected from stress, from negative thoughts. I don’t have enough strength for anything, I can’t get together for some action.
Or the partner, on the contrary, experiences increased excitement and anxiety. Looking for signs of betrayal, even where they are not in sight. Constantly chasing thoughts about the same thing in my head.
One way or another, betrayal hits the injured partner hard. This is, first of all, a loss of self-worth — it turns out that the relationship is not very strong, and a loved one can be happy with someone else.
In addition, the sense of order and justice in the world is lost. It always seemed that you could control your life. And here — oops! — and everything collapses. Willy-nilly, you have to take a different look at those basic concepts that you have cultivated in yourself all your life. I mean the concepts of honor and justice.
When I knew everything…
What to do if faced with treason? First of all, accept yourself and your reaction — whatever it may be. And gradually begin to recover.
It is better to refrain from fateful decisions. And also not to demand an immediate response from all participants in the events. It’s not worth it to go online to look for “experienced advice”. It is better to look for sites where there is a description of exercises for emotional self-regulation.
Never — listen, never! Don’t blame yourself for your partner cheating on you
You cannot control another person, no matter how close they are. And his decision to change is his adult choice. Neither prolonged abstinence in sex, nor long separation, nor anything else can be a «good reason» for infidelity. It’s just that your partner has made such a decision. All.
What can be done to avoid cheating? First of all, understand yourself and your relationship. How often do partners fail to notice each other’s feelings? But even a “heart-to-heart talk” can be the first step towards understanding the other.