In recent years, women have become more independent and self-sufficient, but the issue of marriage is still quite acute. The desire to start a family and the pressure of loved ones make you rush into marriage. What do women expect from a stamp in their passport and what pitfalls can they encounter along the way?
Marriage is not an easy job, in which a couple must test each other’s patience and inner strength, and only after that, perhaps, find harmony in their life together. Why do most of us, who do not consider ourselves complete masochists, join it? Polls show five common answers to the question:
- Why not, this is a logical continuation of the relationship.
- Pregnancy or possible moving partner.
- Fear of loneliness.
- Desire to separate from parents or feel like an adult (marriage is perceived as an entry into maturity and the need to be responsible).
- Fear of losing a partner.
As you can see, love and the desire to be together every day are not in the lead on this list. At the same time, we dream of meeting a person with whom there will be emotional intimacy, spiritual unity and mutual physical attraction, but we do not believe that we will find this in one partner. What to do?
This is more of a question for women, as experience suggests that they often feel that their hopes and dreams do not come true. Reducing requirements is not the solution. Women, unlike men, already too often compromise and show compliance, because of which they later suffer.
In my observation, almost everyone hopes to meet someone who will suit her, hopes that she can accept his shortcomings. On the one hand, this is a realistic approach, on the other hand, women often do not realize their true desires and vaguely imagine what qualities a chosen one should differ in.
If they are honest with themselves about what is important in a man, not forgetting that positive qualities have a downside, they will be able to choose partners more consciously.
For many women, marriage for status is still important, which is unlikely to make them happy. This does not mean that you should bury the desire for marriage just because the man does not want to get married. Often you dismiss those who would be close in spirit because you do not see them as a potential husband.
The pressure of others or the “biological clock” reminds you that you must have time to become a mother. If a man also does not mind having children, then sometimes this, even if the only coincidence in your couple, can become a decisive trump card in his favor.
I encourage women to relax and enjoy the period of meetings and dates. Give equal chances to all candidates, even those who, as you think, are not in the mood for a family right now. If you develop a relationship, the idea of creating one may come naturally.
I am glad that in recent years women have changed a lot and are less afraid of life outside of marriage and a period of conscious loneliness. In unmarried life, they feel more and more comfortable, and this is a new challenge that society can prepare for us. After all, this is in conflict with the desire of men to get home comfort, especially when they get older and the idea of a family hearth and female care becomes more attractive.
Author: Chris Armstrong, coach.