Why do men date older women?

Men date older women more often than we realize. Everyone remembers Demi Moore’s romance with Ashton Kutcher: there is a 16-year difference between them. And this is far from the limit: the wife of French President Emmanuel Macron is 24 years older than him and taught at the school where he studied. They met when Macron was 15. And although the romantic relationship began later, after he came of age, the public’s close attention to their relationship continued for many years.

And this situation is not unique. The condemnation of “unequal” relationships, where the man is much younger, is one of the signs of our time. And yet, despite the stereotypes and bias of society, such unions continue to form and be happy.

Why men prefer older women

According to a recent survey, young men who are in love with women older than themselves explain their preferences for various reasons, for example, they consider them better partners than their peers. Mature women are confident and self-sufficient, excellent conversationalists, they know how to listen and are not obsessed with creating a family. Some argue that next to such women, their self-confidence grows.

Men are attracted by rich life experience and emotional stability, stability, sincerity and openness to new things. One interviewee recalled his period of dating young women as unsuccessful “attempts to have a meaningful conversation in noisy nightclubs”, as well as having to endure the “brainwash” and immature behavior of the girls he went on dates with.

Permissible age difference – what is it?

A 1984 survey by Gloria Cowan showed that people tend to believe that such relationships will be less happy than “traditional” ones. At the same time, it seemed to the adolescents and adults surveyed that the difference of 18 years would seriously affect the future of the couple. With a less significant age gap, people’s judgments became softer.

So what is the “perfect” option? The survey participant, who described his experience with young women, noted that the difference of five years between him and his partner was not enough for the “emotional maturity and depth” of the relationship he needed. He himself realized that he prefers women at least ten years older and considers them more self-confident and broad-minded: “The same age and younger girls do not help me grow like women of more mature age.”

Predator hunting

So, studies have shown that many men are interested in older women. But how are such relationships created? Contrary to the “predatory” image created by the series of mature women in leopard print looking for their next young lover, many say that the opposite is happening: younger men show interest and initiative.

Melanie Elari says that very few older women consider themselves seductresses, hunting for passive prey. 55 interviews with women aged 30 to 60 who are dating partners younger than themselves showed that ladies prefer a passive role in starting relationships. Elari suggests that cultural beliefs may be stopping them from “violating the gender script.”

Love for all ages

Brian Collison and Luciana Ponde le Leon in 2018 tried to figure out why society condemns age-unequal relationships and identified the root cause. According to the theory of evolution, the union of a young woman and a slightly older man is most fruitful in terms of reproduction and maintaining resources for the survival of the family. Therefore, atypical couples, especially if the partner is younger, are perceived as a challenge to the stable, traditional principle of building a family.

But in fact, it turns out that some men meet women of mature age because they perceive relationships with them as equal, close. In real life, there are many more such couples and they are happier than is commonly believed.