You have probably met them on the playground or on social networks. Their children are always well-behaved, learn English from the age of three and help around the house. The “ideal mothers” themselves know everything about raising children, they manage to work, take care of their families and go to yoga. It would seem that they are worthy of admiration. But instead, they annoy «ordinary» women. About why, argues the writer Marie Bolda-Von.
When you look through social networks and glossy magazines, you get the impression that being a normal mother in the XNUMXst century is no longer enough. From all sides we are attacked by superwomen who know, can and do everything.
Not only do they simply exist, they also talk in detail about their impeccability. At seven in the morning they post a photo of the right breakfast for themselves and their children on Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia), at nine they report on Twitter that a baby club has opened nearby with classes according to the methodology of a fashionable psychologist teacher.
Next — a photo of a healthy and balanced lunch. Then a report from football school, dance academy, or early English courses.
«Ideal mothers» give rise to a feeling of guilt in us for our mediocre existence and for our laziness
If you meet the “ideal mother” in real life (on the playground, in a clinic or a store), she will gladly share the proven secrets of raising children, tell that her baby has been sleeping well since birth, eating great and never being naughty.
“Because I did everything as advised in the books.” And finally, it will surprise you that you have not yet chosen a school, university, riding courses and a fencing coach for your child. «How? You will not send your son or daughter to fencing? It’s fashionable. In addition, it develops coordination and both hemispheres of the brain! Have you thought about gymnastics? What do you? It’s unhealthy. All experts write about it!”
Here it’s time for an ordinary mother to say in her defense that the “ideal mother” must have forgotten about herself, put an end to her career, she doesn’t need to earn money, and therefore she can devote 24 hours a day exclusively to children. But no! Unfortunately for us, this “mother of version 2.0” owns a small PR agency, an online store for vegan products, or another fashion business.
In addition, she always looks great (“even though she hasn’t been in a salon for a hundred years”), her abs are the envy of even her fitness trainer, and she easily fits into jeans she wore in high school (“no time to go to the store, I had to get them from the mezzanine»).
Why, instead of admiration, do they irritate us? Firstly, because «ideal mothers» give rise to a feeling of guilt in us for a «talentless existence.» Instead of a light but vitamin-rich dinner for the whole family, yesterday you cooked pasta. We ordered pizza the day before yesterday.
Instead of yoga, we went to a cafe with friends and ate three cakes there. Sometimes you don’t have the strength in the morning, not only to do the styling, but just wash your hair. Because the child did not sleep all night. You haven’t bothered to read a book that tells you how to have the perfect baby. Or read, but, apparently, misunderstood or did something wrong.
And now you begin to be tormented by guilt for laziness and incompetence. And, naturally, you are angry at the person who caused this self-flagellation. We all want to be the best moms for our kids, and it hurts us that we can’t do it.
My advice: relax and believe that you are the perfect mother for your child. He will not change you for any other. He loves you without hair, makeup and extra pounds. And he is grateful to you (although he does not yet know about it) that you will not force him to drag him to fencing and early English lessons. Instead, he will gladly dig in the sandbox.
In addition, most likely, in all these stories about the beautiful and correct existence of «ideal mothers» you feel false. And this is the second reason why they are annoying.
All right. These superwomen have assistants, even if they do not advertise it. And not every day is like a fairy tale.
In the mornings, it is also difficult for them to tear themselves away from the bed, sometimes they cook instant porridge for breakfast (but then they take beautiful pictures of it with fruits — you can’t tell from the photo), and next month they plan to start playing football and dancing (because it’s expensive and coach so-so).
The “ideal mother” trend appeared in response to the traditional idea of the hopeless life of a woman with a child.
Just for acquaintances and strangers, it is pleasant for them to create a retouched picture of motherhood without sleepless nights and leaking diapers.
The trend itself, codenamed “ideal mother”, appeared in response to the traditional idea of the hopeless life of a woman with a small child. “Ideal mothers” said: “No, we are not like that!” and proposed a new image. They do not sit within four walls, but lead an active life with the baby. Thanks to this extraordinary approach, they have become popular in social networks. Many women wanted to unravel their secret, to become like them.
But at some point there were too many “ideal mothers”. Surely among your friends there are a couple of these. Perhaps they do not publish photos on Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia) to the delight of thousands of subscribers, but in moments of rare meetings they amaze you with stories about how they live right, without straining at all. They never admit that they are tired, do not have time for something, or do not know. After all, this approach is not in trend.
And yet, in response to this trend, a completely opposite trend has recently appeared — “normcore mothers”. No, they do not complain about the difficulties of motherhood. They talk about him with humor and without much embellishment. They post a photo of a child who was hurriedly sent for a walk in different shoes, or an apple pie that was burnt because he and his son played Indians.
«Normkor-mothers» do not give advice and do not want to be an example for everyone. They talk about how there are both fun and hard times in parenting. The main thing is to keep your head on your shoulders and treat everything with humor. And that’s why we like them so much.