Most of us would agree that when a love relationship is over, it really is over once and for all. But nevertheless, many deliberately cheat on the faithful, trying in this way to end an unhappy marriage. What prevents them from asking for a divorce and becoming free for a new relationship?
In many cases, they commit adultery in order to be caught red-handed. Of course, cheating to completely destroy even the most unhappy marriage is a bad idea, nevertheless, this happens all the time.
There are 3 reasons why spouses cheat and want to be caught:
1. They are afraid to talk about divorce.
Openly admitting that the relationship has run its course can be very difficult, especially if they are afraid of their partner’s reaction.
2. They want their partner to initiate the breakup.
For some, cheating makes it possible to shift the responsibility for breaking up a relationship onto a partner and blame him for the collapse of the marriage.
3. Believe it’s the only valid reason for divorce
Unfortunately, many people believe that unhappiness in a marriage is not enough reason for divorce. And although it may seem to them that betrayal will solve the problem, make it possible to end the relationship, but as a result of their actions, a partner, children, relatives, friends, and themselves may suffer. This could have been avoided if they had been able to decide to openly discuss what was going on in the relationship.
What are the consequences?
If you’ve thought about or done something like this, there’s something you should know. When the excitement of an affair on the side passes, it is very likely that a wave of negative emotions will wash over you: anxiety, guilt and shame, anxiety, confusion and regret. You can hate yourself thinking about how your actions will affect loved ones. When a partner finds out, he will feel a sharp pain from betrayal, he will begin to think about what was true in the relationship and what was a lie.
The damage from treason will be indescribable
The partner will experience terrible torment and take this pain out on you. He will want to repay for suffering, while he will torment himself, thinking if all your past declarations of love were lies. But he is not the only person who will condemn you for treason. His relatives, your parents, brothers and sisters, friends, colleagues, and in the future even your children may look at you with condemnation for what you have done. The damage from treason will be indescribable.
Instead of trying to break out of a relationship with side affairs, take the courage to talk to your spouse and tell the whole truth. As frustrating as it is for you to imagine a difficult breakup conversation, this is the best solution.
Why is it so scary to ask for a divorce?
You need to figure out what you are afraid of. Are you afraid of hurting your partner? Feeling guilty? Are you scared to think what he or she might do?
If you are afraid of how your partner will react to your words, mentally prepare for the worst, while hoping for the best. You may even need help getting the message across to your partner. If you are afraid to hurt, you need to understand that this cannot be avoided if he would like to continue the relationship. But you can try to soften the blow and alleviate the pangs of conscience as much as possible by saying straight out that it’s over.
Responsibility for the well-being of the family rests with both spouses
Hoping to shift responsibility to a partner, you show disrespect for yourself and for him. Trying to manipulate him into making a decision for you is unethical.
If you do not want to break your marriage vows, but are unhappy in marriage, reflect on your feelings and remember that the responsibility for the well-being of the family lies with both spouses. You cannot achieve this alone and do not have to suffer further.
If the relationship has run its course, it’s time to admit it. The most ethical way to end them with a partner is to have an honest, direct, and mutually respectful conversation.
Source: yourtango.com