Why do glasses turn me on?

“I pay attention to the frame and how it goes with the clothes. For me, this is an indicator of a man’s taste, his sense of style. The right frame is very sexy,” says 26-year-old Irina.

For 34-year-old Inga, there are completely different arguments. But she also stops looking at the “bespectacled men”: “Men with glasses seem to me softer and more emotional, understanding, or something. If you yourself have worn glasses since childhood, then you accept the other more sympathetically. For me, this is important in a relationship. And their eyes without glasses – have you ever looked into the eyes of a man who just took off his glasses? There is an abyss. Very sensual!

There can be many reasons for the passion for men with glasses, says clinical psychologist Victoria Rasulova: “According to Freud’s works, women choose men who look like their father. Perhaps dad wore glasses or put them on at home for some kind of joint activity, and these moments were the kindest, warmest and most comfortable. Such an image could be imprinted in the memory and in the present give a feeling of reliability and security.

On the other hand, if the father who wore glasses was emotionally or physically unavailable to a sufficient degree, especially at an early age, then the desire for an alliance with the “bespectacled man” may be a subconscious desire to find this lost father and continue the desired relationship with him.

In this case, it is important to realize what kind of fantasies you have about the qualities of a man with glasses and what you really want to see in a man next to you.

sign of mind

“I have noticed more than once that boys with glasses are called nerds for a reason. They are actually smarter than their peers. There were two bespectacled children in our class. And both of them have achieved success in life. One has now defended his doctoral thesis, and the second has taken a high position in a large corporation. Both have happy marriages,” 42-year-old Elena reflects.

Elena’s words also have scientific confirmation. According to evolutionary theory, choosing a partner, a woman seeks to pass on the best genes to her offspring, which means choosing the most suitable carrier from all applicants.

It would seem a paradox, Viktoria Rasulova argues, because men with glasses probably have vision problems? And he cites research data: scientists from the University of Edinburgh, who studied the genetic data of more than 300 thousand people, came to the conclusion that poor eyesight and the need to wear glasses may be associated with a higher level of intelligence.

Perhaps nature makes sure that individuals with a high IQ continue their race, therefore, as studies from the same University of Edinburgh show, people with glasses are indeed perceived as more intelligent, reliable and honest, which can explain their attractiveness.

“A little trick: regardless of gender, if you have an important interview or negotiations, you can wear stylish glasses with simple glasses,” recommends a clinical psychologist. “Such an interlocutor is perceived by others as more serious, responsible and hardworking.”

Influence of fashion

It is also worth mentioning the influence of culture and the media on the formation of the attractiveness of a particular image.

“We live in a time when men engaged in intellectual work, for example, programmers, are in great demand in the labor market, respected and provided, and the guys who create successful IT startups are the heroes of our time,” continues Victoria Rasulova. “And then the image of a nerd guy, who was not the most attractive 20 years ago, is now acquiring a completely different social meaning.”

This transformation of society’s perception of people with glasses can be used to play and renew relationships. “If you have a weakness for men with glasses, and your life partner, unfortunately, sees perfectly, with a sufficient level of trust, you can ask him to sometimes wear glasses to diversify his sex life,” the psychologist suggests.

At the same time, sexual fetishism can be an extreme degree of attraction to men with glasses. This is a variant of sexual behavior when it is not a person who becomes the stimulus for attraction, but inanimate objects: an accessory, clothing, shoes, things made from a certain material, parts of the human body.

Eric Berne, in his book Sex in Human Love, wrote that the subject of a fetish is “a symbolic substitute for a loved one.” If such manifestations of attraction interfere with building relationships and / or enjoying life, you should seek help from a specialist, for example, a sexologist.

Selective “blindness”

Some psychologists associate the topic of myopia and farsightedness with internal psychological processes. What do we not want to see under our noses and what do we not want to see in the distance? And why do we choose such partners?

“Subconsciously, a woman can perceive a myopic man as safer in contact if she has a tendency to symbiotic relationships, because he, as it were,“ does not see ”other women in space, there is only“ me and you ”and we are almost one, — explains Victoria Rasulova. “Or vice versa, a far-sighted man may be a more desirable partner because he “does not see” the woman herself when she may not consider herself beautiful and perfect enough.”

And then we can make an assumption about the fear that its “flaws” will be discovered. A far-sighted man “does not see” what is under his nose. If the reduced vision of a man can be subconsciously perceived by a woman as a disadvantage, the psychologist continues, then she probably believes that she herself has many flaws. And here they are with a partner as if on an equal footing – 1:1.

“This can manifest a sense of one’s own inferiority or a fantasy that a man without flaws will not enter into a relationship with her. Or a girl in childhood was told that there are no ideal men, and then the “little professor” in a girl once decided long ago that vision problems were the lesser of evils. And then a fantasy may appear that if a person has poor eyesight, then in everything else he can be perfect, ”concludes Victoria Rasulova.