Fantasies about the wedding … From about the age of five, some girls begin to plan what their celebration will be like. Why this happens, what it can affect and whether it is worth worrying if the daughter tries on other people’s wedding dresses, Elena Sivkova found out together with experts.
“At the age of seven, I could spend hours in the clouds, imagining myself as a bride,” recalls 30-year-old Marina. – Each new fairy tale or Disney cartoon excited the imagination. I was either Cinderella or Belle. And certainly in a white fluffy dress, in the palace. And 20 years later she got married in an old manor! This was beautiful. Our daughter is now staring at our photos. I recognize that dreamy look!”
Starry hour
Since ancient times, in most cultures, marriage has been a solemn event. Until now, many ceremonies resemble theatrical performances, in which the main role is assigned, of course, to the bride and groom. And often it is for the bride that this is a real finest hour. In the eyes of society, the girl at this moment becomes a woman and receives a certain social status.
As a rule, a wedding for her is an opportunity to be in the spotlight, to feel bright and beautiful. Thanks to this, the whole industry “feeds”. Advertising images for decades support the attitude to this day as the culminating one in a woman’s life. “The brides looked indescribably beautiful in this white tulle. Straight princesses! – shares Asya, 39 years old. – I dreamed that I would grow up and I would also ride a car with ribbons and a doll on the hood. And now my six-year-old daughter is flipping through sites with wedding dresses and says that she will play a wedding on the seashore.
Main event
A wedding is a ritual by which a man and a woman are officially recognized as a couple. Marriage has not always been concluded for love, but society maintains an attitude towards the wedding as the day of the union of lovers. She remains a symbol of hope that two “will live happily and die on the same day.” Most folk tales and many romantic films end with a wedding: evil is defeated, she and he are reunited and, hand in hand, go off into the sunset to beautiful music.
Many girls identify with the heroines of these stories. Psychotherapist Carl Gustav Jung believed that this happens unconsciously. He associated the emergence of folk tales with manifestations of the collective unconscious, which, in his opinion, largely determines the characteristics of the personality of each person.
Sample face
The future woman “trying on” the image of the bride. From the parent’s closet, they take out her mother’s, and even her grandmother’s dress for her. Here we can talk about the meaning of the family, the transmission of family tradition through the female line. Dressing in the wedding dress of her mother or grandmother, she unconsciously, as it were, tries on herself and their female role in the family.
The child, to one degree or another, learns patterns of behavior seen in childhood and can act them out, or they can otherwise influence his future life. Perhaps that is why some believe that by trying on someone else’s wedding dress, the girl “receives” the fate of his mistress.
Less superstitious parents sometimes just give their daughters the opportunity to play. Recently, there has even been a tendency to buy used wedding dresses for these purposes through private classified services.
Elektra complex
“Psychoanalysts would note that the little girl wants to get close to her father,” says clinical psychologist Lidia Fedorova. – And for this she needs to “take the place of her mother.” Imitating her mother and joining in the competition for her father’s attention, a girl from about the age of five plays out a scenario known to her: in order to connect with her father, she, like her mother, must “marry him.”
Many daughters say similar words. The task of parents is to see this as a normal stage of growing up and explain to the girl that this is impossible. And then the daughter’s dreams will rush into the future. She will continue to play wedding, but with dolls and peers. This is extremely important for her feminine identity.”
Healthy separation
“From the point of view of a systematic approach, the separation of a child from the parental family is one of the important stages, evidence of its healthy functioning,” comments family consultant Ekaterina Klochkova. – The separation process is a kind of test for both parents and children. If the child is able to enter adulthood with self-confidence and without fear of the outside world, and the parents are not afraid to let him go and understand that he is ready to take responsibility for himself and his decisions, then the family did an excellent job.
A wedding is a significant ritual in many cultures, symbolizing the beginning of an independent life. No wonder the girl dreams of her. Playing the bride, she brings information into the family system that one day she will grow up and “fly out of the nest”. And if a daughter dreams of a wedding, it means that her parents were able to show her that “married well”, and gave her enough confidence that someday she will be able to enter adulthood.