Our permanent expert, psychologist and writer Tatiana Ogneva-Salvoni tells why babies dress up in mom’s shoes and dad’s ties.
In the popular European animated series about Peppa the pig (she is about six years old in the plot, her brother George is about two years old), even a whole series was devoted to this topic. Peppa put on her mother’s dress, mother’s shoes and put on her mother’s lipstick, and George took his father’s hat and costume, and in this form the children went for a walk, pretending to be the names of their parents to all the adults they met. True, as soon as the question of ice cream arose, the kids immediately turned into children.
Do all kids love this game? Why are they playing it? Is this good or bad? According to psychological theory, babies with good affection for their parents play such games when there is emotional contact and strong interchange. Moreover, the child often takes the things of the adult with whom he has the strongest contact at a given time. That is, when a child has a “daddy” period, he is more attached to his father and takes his things. When the “mother’s” period, repeats everything after the mother. He seems to be trying on the “skin” of this adult on himself, trying how to him in this role: “I am like a mother!” or “I’m like a dad!”
This is trying on masks of adults – one of the stages of preparation for entering adulthood. In the game, children act out not only all the stages of their idea of adulthood, but also all their fears, their anxieties about growing up. At the same time, putting on the things of adults, they see, let’s say, the prospect of how much more need to grow. This gives them a sense of a certain healthy predetermination of the future.
It’s also a form of self-defense. Playing with the things of your beloved adult is like being with him, playing with him personally. We may notice the residual effect of this defense mechanism in adulthood. When we keep a certain thing that in reality no longer has value, but it is priceless for us, since it belonged to an important adult for us. This is the so-called “transitional object”, it is a switch of a person’s emotional state.
For example, many business men often keep their father’s watches far from prying eyes. And for them they are more valuable than the most expensive Rolex in the world. Because, taking them in the palm of your hand, for a moment you can again feel like that little boy in the strong arms of his father. This is a powerful psychological resource for a person. And it is important that the little boy has this opportunity to play with parental things. This state of being small, admitted to the big world of adults and feeling safe there, then gives him the confidence to act boldly in a really big world.
When a boy plays with his mother’s makeup, he explores the female world. And let him better investigate him in early childhood, then then he will not be afraid of various female things. It is better not to forbid him, but to explain: this is for girls, boys do not need it.
There should be no fears, no anxiety. Having fun explaining the basics of being is the best thing about communicating with your child. Laugh at the dressing up, but patiently explain the purpose of each item.
And, of course, it is worth being touched by the fact that a child feels with some sixth sense which thing is the most beloved for mom or dad, and it automatically becomes for him the most beloved.
Interview
Did you try on your parents’ clothes in childhood?
Sure! As soon as my mother left the threshold …
I didn’t take clothes, but my mother ran out of lipstick suspiciously quickly
I’ve always been more attracted to my daddy’s toolbox
I’ve never done anything like this
Other (write in the comments)
“Cuando un niño juega con el maquillaje de su madre, explora el mundo femenino. Y déjelo que lo investigue mejor en la primera infancia, entonces no tendrá miedo de varias cosas femeninas. Es mejor no prohibírselo, sino explicarlo: esto es para niñas, los niños no lo necesitan.”
En pleno 2023 no debería haber contenido sexista