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In every couple, a crisis can happen that is difficult for two to overcome on their own. How valuable is the help of an outsider in such a situation? Can a psychologist save a love union, or is his task to facilitate parting?
Sexual disharmony, frequent quarrels, violence, the threat of divorce – difficulties in a couple can be associated with various aspects of life together. In order to find the sources of these conflicts and learn new, more effective models of interaction, partners often need a family psychologist. The approaches and methods of therapy are very different – analytical, systemic, behavioral and many others. But in any case, the benefits of working with a psychologist can be invaluable. Here are its most obvious advantages.
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1. Hear each other
In a critical situation, partners do not want to hear and do not try to understand each other, insisting on their own point of view. Any discussion immediately turns into a series of mutual accusations and reproaches. A family psychologist gives everyone the opportunity to speak out – to explain what he likes or dislikes, to share his attitude, to show emotions. At the same time, the specialist himself is not just watching, he is constantly on and ready to intervene and direct the conversation in the right direction. As a result, spouses learn to hear their partner and express their thoughts in conflict situations. Thanks to these communication skills, they overcome not only the crisis in marriage, but also other difficulties in the relationship.
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2. Feel safe
For those who are hostile and ready to break into a quarrel every second, the psychologist creates a safe territory where they know for sure that they will spend time without hurting each other. One simple example. Having found out the interests of the partners, the family psychologist sends them to do together what each of them likes. For example, go to the cinema or to a restaurant. “It should be a limited time so that they do not have time to quarrel,” says Anna Varga, a family therapist. “So they have a new experience of safe interaction – they know that they can be together and not blame each other. Then this experience can be used in the discussion of conflicts.”
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3. See the situation from the outside
Each family member sees the situation from his own perspective, and the psychotherapist sees all the nuances of the relationship from the outside and can understand how the family system works as a whole. During the conversation, he analyzes the habitual forms of behavior of partners, their ways of responding to each other’s words and actions, considers family rules (for example, how and on what partners spend money). In some cases, the psychologist also considers family history, the relationship of a man and a woman with their parents, which can also be a source of current problems. Then, together with clients, the psychotherapist looks for ways to resolve the conflict and helps the couple return to a state of psychological comfort.