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Why comparing yourself to others destroys your self-esteem and prevents you from being happy
Psychology
When we compare ourselves, we will always lose out because normally what happens in comparisons is that we underestimate our capabilities and exacerbate the value of the other person
The act of compare us that human beings set in motion is automatic and we do it unintentionally, being a behavior that we find implicitly in our culture and society. Or is it that, perhaps, your parents did not ask you also about the grade that your classmates had obtained in some exam? It would surely not be with the intention of comparing the numbers with those that evaluated us at school, but on many occasions it does happen this way …
One of the reasons we compare ourselves is to realize those things that we would like to have or achieve. The problem is that the comparison itself does not allow us to value what we have achieved or what we have, since we minimize our own successes through comparison.
As Lidia G. Asensi, a psychologist at the Cepsim Psychological Center, says, another reason for the comparison is with respect to the idea of reaching perfection: «We have to be careful with perfection, since it places high demands on us and we end up never being satisfied with what we have achieved. Perfection is a trap which leads us to be constantly in the making.
Plus…
Illusory Superiority Syndrome: How to Spot a Narcissist
Why is it not good to compare yourself
Comparison with respect to other people is harmful to us and our self-esteem And, following the advice of the psychologist Asensi, the only valid comparison is with ourselves: “The comparison leads us to reject who we are. It does not help us to change or improve what we are not satisfied with, but limits us. And that is what later hinders our self-esteem… «By comparing ourselves we are idealizing the elements of the other person, that is, we adopt an inferior position with respect to the other. Therefore, in this position we do not value ourselves or ourselves nor our capabilities and achievements, “he exposes.
Lidia G. Asensi explains that when we compare ourselves we do it from the most visible and superficial part, but we do not take into account what is underneath. That is, in comparisons many times we do not apply the rule of “all things being equal.” “Let’s imagine that a colleague of ours has finished his work on time but we have not. We began to make harmful comparisons for us of the type: ‘my partner is better than me’, ‘I am not as efficient and capable’, ‘I do not deserve this position as much as he / she’ etc. But, perhaps, the current situation of our colleague is different from ours, “he assures, so we must look at the full story to make that comparison, because quite possibly we have not had time to finish it because this week we have had several meetings, we have had our bad son and we have had to take care of him etc.
What to do not to compare yourself
- Identify when you compare yourself: when do you compare yourself to others? In what contexts do you do it? What is the goal you want to achieve through the comparison?
- Be aware of the discomfort and damage that the comparison generates. Does the comparison help you achieve what you want or does it limit you?
- It is important to look at your whole story. This will allow you to be more fair to yourself and understand why you have not achieved a certain goal, as well as value yourself and everything you have achieved.
- Stop and look at who you are and all that you have achieved. Focusing only on what you lack does not allow you to enjoy what you have achieved. However, it is important to consider what you would like to achieve. All those objectives that one proposes is important that they arise from oneself and not from external comparison.
- You don’t have to compete with anyone. After all, the comparison leads us to a damaging race with the others.
- Compassion and acceptance with yourself is important.
By not taking into account all your own and the other person’s elements, it does not allow us to see that perhaps the other person has certain strengths or abilities that I do not have, but that I have others that the person in front does not have. “We take in isolation what we are not satisfied with about ourselves and we compare ourselves with people who do stand out in that. For example: if I consider that I play the piano poorly and compared me to a person who is exceptional at playing the piano, I will lose out and consider that I do not have the capacity to do so », concludes the psychologist from the Cepsim Psychological Center.
To this day, social networks have generated a great impact with respect to the behavior of comparing ourselves. These show us the best side of all our contacts, and this can lead certain people to consider that your life is not as good than other people’s for example.