Why can’t a child be told
Remember the song from the cartoon about a monkey – a mother of many children? Yes, the same one, about “in every little child, and in a boy, and in a girl, there are 300 grams of explosives or even a pound.”
Children are active creatures, they love to run, jump, jump, play, including on the nerves of twitchy adults. Poor parents find it difficult to withstand all this set of manifestations of energy and resort to the help of prohibitions. Unfortunately, solving the problem with a spoiled child is not so easy. So why is it better to give up the word that dictates the rules to the child? Let’s say right away that we are not talking about situations that can harm the life and health of the baby. For example, games with water, electricity and glass. In these cases, a strict “no” is simply necessary, but as for everything else, this word can play a cruel joke with you and your child.
It is common for any adult to doubt himself, and even more so for a child. Abruptly thrown “no” without any explanation makes children think that the problem is with them. They perceive the prohibition as a condemnation and an indication that they will not be able to overcome the danger. As a rule, these children suffer from low self-esteem. If a person from childhood has constantly heard “no”, then he will be afraid not only of public speaking, but also the manifestation of his own individuality. The child will think that whatever he chooses: clothes, music, movies, and so on – all this is bad. He will have trouble expressing emotions as an adult. Whether you prohibit your child from fighting, crying or screaming can lead to psychological trauma. No one encourages you to endure permissiveness, but by forbidding a person to express their feelings, you are doing wrong. The fact is that constant self-doubt, feelings of fear and anxiety may not have the best effect on the child’s psyche.
Lack of interest in the world around you
If your child is an active fidget, then this is not a reason to put him in a corner and constantly tell that you cannot behave this way. Just channel this storm of irrepressible energy into a peaceful channel. For example, take your child to some developmental activities. Children tend to want to learn everything new and unusual, so they develop their thinking, memory and attention. It is not surprising that if every attempt to learn about the world is suppressed by the frightening “no”, then the child closes in on himself, and the desire to learn something simply evaporates. Such children, as a rule, have difficulties in school and sports clubs. They are very narrow minded, hard to surprise, and bored all the time. You don’t want your child to grow up lacking in initiative and curious? Then give up the inhibitions and start explaining to him what’s what.
The forbidden fruit is sweet, and everyone knows about it, even children. If you limit the child in anything, then most likely he will resist and do as he wants. For example, you hide candy from children, while you yourself eat them. In this case, the child experiences a sense of injustice and begins to fight for his rights. You cease to be an authority for him, because you do what you do not allow him. The word “cannot” ceases to have magical powers. Now the child thinks according to the principle “everyone is allowed, which means that I can too.” The ban is ignored. And it seems to be okay, does the child want candy? Let him eat. What if he’s allergic to chocolate? The answer to this question is the solution to the problem.
Try not to just say “no”, but to explain the reason for the ban. Warn the kid about the consequences, let him know that you do not feel sorry for sweets for him, you just worry about his health. And it’s not just about candy. Talk to your child, convey your thoughts to him. Some parents, noticing that the child does everything the other way around, resort to a very peculiar method. If a child wants to play on the street and does not want to go home, then, for example, they say that under no circumstances should the child enter the apartment. Here, your son or daughter has a desire to find out at all costs what awaits him at home. This tactic works, but it also has pitfalls. When the child grows up, he will continue to do the opposite.
If all that the child hears from you is one continuous “no”, then it’s time for you to change your tactics. To begin with, try to reduce the number of dangerous places in the house. You can remove all dangerous objects in places inaccessible to the child, then “no” will sound less often in your house, and you will not have to worry about the safety of the baby. Also, various devices will come to your aid, such as: Velcro on cabinet doors, silicone nozzles on corners, restraints for doors and windows, and so on. Perhaps thanks to these safety measures, there will be fewer prohibitions in the child’s life. If you create a safe space for play and creative experimentation, then your son or your daughter will not seek entertainment with dangerous objects. After all, now your child will have his own ideal corner.
Children try to imitate their parents in everything. If you tell your child that fast food is harmful and cannot be eaten, then you yourself must follow this rule. Before forbidding something to your child, discuss it with him. Don’t ask him what he thinks about this or that rule, but just ask how he feels this restriction. Just do not react to him “I do not want, I will not.” Try to convey to the child that the prohibition will not disappear from his disagreement, but do not forget to explain the reason for your decision.
Situations when dad allows children what mom has forbidden are not uncommon in many families. It happens that the older generation also interferes. Parents forbid the child to eat sweets, and the grandmother pampers her beloved grandson with marmalade. Because he simply does not know that the treat is on the list of prohibited products of this house. To prevent such circumstances from arising, it is necessary to agree in advance with all family members about what should not be done.
Move from prohibitions to permissiveness. For example, instead of the phrase “you can’t jump”, say “I’ll be glad if you sit quietly for a couple of minutes.” Let your child make and learn from their own mistakes. Do not use the word “no”, say “dangerous”, “hot”, “cold”, “deep”. So your baby will only receive a signal of danger, and not a negative assessment of his actions. He will learn to think and make the right decisions. But this does not mean that the word “cannot” should completely disappear. There are situations when the ban should be tough. As we said above, this applies to anything that can harm the life or health of the child.