Our attention is increasingly captured by those who have achieved success in social networks, those who have a large number of followers and whose opinions matter to a certain audience. Why do beautiful pictures and successful people cause us both inspiration and unpleasant feelings? And what does this say about ourselves?
How does your morning start, how does the trip to the subway accompany, how do you pass the time in queues? Many will answer that they are viewing stories or scrolling through the feed on Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia). Social networks have long become an integral part of our lives, a way to connect with the outside world.
Indeed, this is a great field for creativity, self-expression and, of course, the search for motivation and inspiration. Incentives are important to a person — they help to move through life, to achieve their goals.
Looking at beautiful pictures from the life of bloggers, we feel the desire to do something to make our dreams come true. When we see that someone has what we ourselves want, healthy competition can turn on in us, which pushes us and helps us move towards the goal.
But why does it happen that after the next viewing of stories it becomes hard on the soul, the mood deteriorates, or even hands give up? We «cling» to a beautiful picture or idealize people for two reasons — idealizing or devaluing them and confronting unconscious parts of ourselves.
1. Idealization and devaluation
We often look at others through the idealization-devaluation projection. What do we see most often when we go to the page of our favorite blogger? An ideal image, life is in full swing, money is pouring from heaven.
It makes sense to ask: is this really the case for this influencer, or am I only seeing one side of the coin? How real is his image, are many facts embellished, for example, about easy money, popularity, strong relationships?
Many do not really realize what path this blogger has traveled. How much trial and error did he have, doubts and fears, exaggerations and embellishments that you are not aware of and that you may not be shown on purpose? Did he get his “blogging life bonuses” as easily as he broadcasts? After all, this is a certain image — and at the same time, the work on which resources are expended.
Such illusions can be confusing, impose other people’s desires on you, and raise doubts about the correctness and significance of your own goals. Seeing such an ideal and at the same time desired picture (but not the fact that it’s real), a person can unconsciously devalue himself, his life, his achievements: “Here he is already a star in his 20s and bought an apartment, and I’m nobody and there’s no way to call me …”
Such delusions lead to the fact that you want to give up, and for many this becomes a reason to plunge into deep despondency.
If you are prone to devalue yourself and idealize the other, then it is not easy for you to see such a demonstration of a successful life. In this case, your task should not be to compare yourself with others, but to compare yourself today with yourself in the past. Simple answers to questions will help you:
- How have I changed since yesterday / over a period of time?
- What did you manage to do?
- What new skills did you acquire during this time?
- What am I grateful for?
- What do I already have here and now?
2. Encounter with unconscious parts of yourself
Our psyche is arranged in such a way that we sometimes project onto other people what is in ourselves — conscious or unconscious by us. And when we have a favorite blogger, we endow him with some part of ourselves, whether we like it or not.
Do an experiment right now. Take a piece of paper and a pen, write the name of your idol and under it write down all his characteristics (in your opinion), both positive and negative.
Now cross out his name and write yours in that space.
Ask yourself with the utmost honesty:
- What is all this about me?
- What do I accept from this list?
- What can not and do not want to accept?
For example, a person represses his confident and courageous part, because he is used to feeling shy and weak. Then he may think: “This blogger has achieved everything because he is brave, and I am so shy. I can’t, even though I really want to.»
But if this person sees confidence and courage in another, then this part is also in him — you just need to get it and learn how to use it.
Or one more example. Someone may think of himself as loving and accepting, but he sees arrogance and arrogance in a blogger. Of course, an influencer can indeed be arrogant, but think about it: why do you get hooked?
It is worth asking yourself frankly: are there times when I myself become arrogant? Then you can discover that part of yourself and «legally» deal with it.
But do not rush to suppress it in yourself if it seems unsightly to you. Often we see in others what we ignore in ourselves or what we do not dare to show. It is important not to repress the identified feelings and desires, but simply to learn to notice them in yourself.
Knowing about such features of our psyche as «idealization — devaluation» and «projections», you can use social networks not only for motivation, but also as a tool for internal work on yourself.
So we can appropriate the qualities of bloggers that we find attractive, and get to know the other side of our nature, realizing what irritates us so much in social network stars.