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Why are we so embarrassed to talk on the phone?
Psychology
There are people who experience emotions such as fear when making phone calls
Hearing that some people feel great embarrassment having to talk on the phoneThere are those who may find it ridiculous and who feel completely identified. Almost a symptom of these “modern times”, there are many for which making a phone call is “plan Z”; As long as an email or text message can be sent, they prefer not to have to deal with verbal communication.
The refusal to speak on the phone is more common than it seems, since there are many people in whom, when performing this action, they appear emotions such as shame or fear, feelings that can become disabling. What is behind this shame or
fear is a limited manifestation of social anxiety or social phobia ”, explains Ángel Luis Guillén, a health psychologist at Psicopartner. The professional points out that fear or anxiety can arise when we must speak on the phone, since at that moment we have the perception that we are subject to the evaluation or judgment of other people.
A feeling of vulnerability
The psychologist Oceanía Martín Recio, coordinator of the Cepsim psychological center, comments that this feeling that “we are being judged” may be rooted in the fact that the calls “are immediate and demand a quick response», Just as we feel that we must be careful not to hesitate or make silence. Ángel Luis Guillén emphasizes that, due to this shame or fear that we may feel, it is likely that “avoidance actions will be put in place so as not to make the call” or that it will be postponed as long as possible. Also, after the call, explain that feelings of inferiority and negative self-critical thoughts may appear.
“Sometimes can be classified as a phobia specifies the named phone telephobia, although in most cases we can say that it is more about fear of the judgment of others “, indicates the professional.
Lack of non-verbal communication
On the other hand, Ángel Luis Guillén comments that we can find cases of people in whom there is no fear of speaking face to face, they even have the ability to make public presentations without problems, but who nevertheless feel terribly insecure talking on the phone. This happens, as explained by Oceanía Martín Recio, because telephone communication is halfway between written communication and that which occurs face to face, so a call lacks communicative elements “that can bring calm to a person” , such as non-verbal language. «In-person conversations provide more real information and they leave less room for judgments and interpretation that can lead to embarrassment in telephone conversations, ”emphasizes the professional.
The Psicopartner psychologist points out that the peculiarities that telephone calls have are those that cause them to generate a limited social phobia that is not triggered in other communication contexts. These specific characteristics are, for example, that generally calls are unexpected, as well as require an immediate response without time to reflect or that there is an exposure, sometimes unwanted, to another person who will carry an element of evaluation and judgment.
A phenomenon of “modern times”
Although the reluctance to talk on the phone is not something new, it is a phenomenon that can be seen motivated by the context of the times we live in, in which the primary form of communication is text messages and emails. “We have become accustomed to forms of communication where there is a distance with the other person, there is a feeling of less vulnerability and we feel more protected,” says Ángel Luis Guillén.
This way of relating, less intrusive, gives us time to stop and think about the information received and does not require the immediate response that we must give in a phone call. «Now we are witnesses of sentimental ruptures by Whatsapp, without actually speaking verbally with the other person; It is a form of avoid conflict situations, not to face situations that can be potentially conflictive, “the expert gives as an example.
As paradoxical as it may seem, since written communication is the refuge in which many people find safety, there are others who also feel anxiety when sending, for example, an email. “Although the” depersonalization “of communication can provide protection from a more direct contact, there are many people who find it very difficult to do so for fear that the other person may misinterpret their message,” says Oceanía Martín Recio. Another factor that can create “difficulty” when sending an email is that, although we have more time to reason the response, doubts come into play as to whether it will be well written or what the recipient will think when they read it. “Here we associate problems with the search for perfectionism,” says the psychologist.
Tips to lose embarrassment
Finally, Ángel Luis Guillén leaves some tricks to learn to manage shame when talking on the phone:
– Whenever possible, it is better prepare the call to be performed or received. Preparing for social situations produces a greater sense of control and more confidence in ourselves.
– It is important to find the right times for calls, as well as identify places to have conversations by phone where you feel you have the necessary security and privacy.
– In case it is an unexpected call and you are with more people, it is better to withdraw. In case it is not possible, we must close our eyes and focus on the conversation more than in the people around us.
— Visualize a kind person and smiling on the other end of the phone is a great help. If you imagine a pleasant person speaking, the perception of danger, threat, or judgment will decrease.