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When we meet people in distress, we feel uncomfortable. What are the mechanisms of our prejudices? What motivates us to give or not to give?
On city streets we see such people every day. Someone stops, throws them money, others look away. But for most of us, the sight of begging, begging people causes a feeling of embarrassment and even shame: we feel insecure and do not know how to react.
“This happens because we are torn between three practically incompatible behaviors,” psychotherapist Katerina Khmelnitskaya analyzes the situation. — The modern logic of the market requires us to be as productive, prudent and thrifty as possible. We want to enjoy the benefits we have earned and at the same time feel virtuous.” This contradiction is formulated by an almost insoluble question: “How to be an egoist, hedonist and altruist at the same time?” But there are other reasons for our embarrassment.
Fear of falling
29-year-old Olga participated in the distribution of free lunches, which are brought to the Kursk railway station by the Salvation Army. “Most of all, I was struck by the fact that the people who came to us once led a completely normal life, they were not homeless from birth, they had families, children, housing … And then something happened, and life rapidly rolled under slope. There was a tragic irreversibility in it, and for the first time I was truly frightened. This can happen to anyone, and therefore to me.”
“The unconscious fear of being in the place of an outcast, a homeless, lonely person really pushes some to give alms,” explains Jungian analyst Stanislav Raevsky. – This anxiety lives somewhere in the depths of our psyche, in its archaic layers, in our collective unconscious. Once upon a time, an ancient man performed a ritual of sacrifice, wanting to propitiate the formidable gods and ward off adversity from himself.
Perhaps we, sacrificing to the one who asks, repeat this archetypal gesture, as if conjuring a certain deity, hoping to avoid his wrath, and in fact, to free ourselves from the fear of becoming the same destitute.
“Wars, revolutions, the Gulag, famine, a change in the social system – decades of instability and many examples from the stories of her family, acquaintances and strangers who suddenly lost everything, also support the unconscious fear of poverty,” adds Kateryna Khmelnitskaya. That is why it is so easy for us to identify ourselves with the misfortune of another person, and this experience motivates us to give alms.
But “serving” does not always mean “recognizing oneself in another”. By giving, we get the opportunity to feel like a person who is ready to help someone in distress. And to see the difference between ourselves and those who ask us for help.
On that side
Researchers conduct a lot of surveys of Russians, trying to find out our attitude to the problem of begging in Russia. And they know little about what the homeless people think about the world, about themselves and about us. Sociologists from the Ural Institute of Economics of the Russian Academy of Sciences conducted a survey among homeless people in Chelyabinsk and Yekaterinburg. It turned out that they are most worried about the lack of housing (82% of respondents in Yekaterinburg and 100% in Chelyabinsk), then – jobs, documents, medicines and other vital things. “Psychological problems, a sense of loneliness disturb them to a lesser extent,” says Boris Pavlov, head of the study, head of the department of economic sociology at the Institute of Economics of the Ural Branch of the Russian Academy of Sciences. “But they are almost indifferent to the negative attitude from others.”
How do we explain our behavior?
37-year-old Yury has been working in the “mercy group” at the Orthodox church in St. Petersburg for the fourth year. “We distribute clothes to the homeless and feed them. During this time, I listened to more than one hundred stories: the majority, almost 90%, of homeless people, judging by their words, chose this life for themselves. They are satisfied with the fate of a beggar, and they do not want to change anything. When I tell my friends about this, some of them are surprised, while others say they will stop giving alms altogether.”
Choosing whether to serve or not to serve, each of us somehow explains his behavior to himself.
By understanding our own emotions and motives, we begin to understand ourselves better… and may want to help others.
“I will not do this, because beggars are part of a criminal structure; it’s humiliating for me to think that they take me for a simpleton” – this is one of the explanations, says Kateryna Khmelnitskaya. “Other people say to themselves: “It is necessary to serve always and everywhere: suddenly my money will help someone change their life.” Still others argue practically: rather than throwing money away, it’s more correct to buy food for the homeless and make sure that he eats it, and does not exchange it for a drink or that other beggars do not take away this food.
The motivation of our behavior can be very different and largely depends on the psychological characteristics and worldview of each person. “For example, such a view is also possible: yes, this beggar, of course, pretends to be blind, but he is a real artist, and such talent should be rewarded,” continues Stanislav Raevsky. – A person who thinks in this way is sure: everything must be done wisely, even asking for alms. And, if I were in a similar position, would I have done better?
The ghost of guilt
None of us wants to burden life with strong, difficult experiences. “Facing with the disadvantaged, many of us experience a feeling of “guilty without guilt,” comments Kateryna Khmelnitskaya, “we are embarrassed because we are healthy and prosperous (at least compared to these people). Often, sincerely sympathizing with them, we feel relieved: thank God, this is not with me. And those of us who dislike the beggars actually feel irritated by our guilt because we don’t know what to do with this experience.”
We not only sympathize with the homeless, but we are also wary of them. They carry something ghostly, illusory. “We perceive their appearance as “the descent of man to the animal state,” continues Kateryna Khmelnitskaya. – In their life there is a rejection of those forms of existence to which we are accustomed. And that scares us.”
Still, looking beyond the barrier that separates what we imagine is a prosperous existence from the frightening territory of poverty can be helpful. “There is nothing shameful in trying to feel another person, whatever he may be, by imagining yourself in his role,” says Kateryna Khmelnitskaya. “In general, it’s difficult to sympathize, to empathize if you can’t imagine what the other is really feeling.”
“It would be useful for some of us to try on the role of a destitute person,” agrees Stanislav Raevsky. – I gave such a task to my patients: try to beg and analyze how they do it and what they feel at that moment. Try it and you will learn a lot about yourself. After all, pride is one of the defining traits of character. And the way we overcome it is very educational!”
The right to choose how to behave and how to treat the asking person, in any case, remains with each of us. But if we can understand what drives us in doing so, we will better understand ourselves.
Are there many who give alms?
According to VTsIOM data published in 2019, the format of charity is changing, and now alms are given less and less in Russia: 24% versus 30% in 2017, 32% in 2009, 36% in 2007. However, more and more Russians work as volunteers and participate in charity promotions. Over the past five years, 69% of the population took part in a charity event at least once, and 19% do charity work regularly.